Hitchhikers by Kate Spofford Read Free Book Online Page A

suicidally depressed. Should I leave the
clothes and take off? I really do need a winter coat, and you can’t
beat a free one.
    I sit down on the other end of the couch.
    The soap opera doesn’t hold my attention for
long. I find myself staring out the window at Lila, who is herself
napping out on the makeshift porch. The afternoon wears on until my
focus drifts to the inside of the trailer.
    It’s been so long since I’ve had any kind of
a home that the mess of this one bothers me. Bobby’s lucky enough
to be able to stay in one place and live here without worrying
about winter and starving to death, yet he can’t even wash his own
dishes. It’s been so long since I lived at home with my parents
that I don’t even remember if I was a neat freak or if my room was
as messy as this.
    I start by gathering up the trash from the
coffee table and floor. I smell the trash can in a cabinet under
the sink, overflowing with garbage. I close my eyes and inhale. I
catch the faint scent of new plastic in a narrow closet in the
hallway and find a box of new trash bags there. Within only a few
minutes of cleaning the bag is near to full. Then I start on
getting all the dishes near the sink and run the water, using
liberal amounts of dish soap.
    The housework puts my mind into a lulled, zen
kind of place. I don’t have to think about anything more
extraordinary than scrubbing off crusted eggs and ketchup and
tomato sauce overgrown with mold, and dishpan hands. I can pretend
I’m an ordinary kid, resigned to doing ordinary chores.
    I have finished the dishes and am in the
process of sweeping the dirt and food crumbs out the door of the
trailer when Bobby says behind me,
    “What have you been up to?”
    I turn to look at him, a guilty expression
creeping into my face. Is he offended that I found his place
disgustingly messy? Then I see the smile in his eyes, and my
shoulders relax.
    “I might have to keep you around, Dannyboy,”
Bobby says.
    Instantly my hackles are up again. No nausea
or dizziness this time, just a different voice echoing in my
head,
    dannyboy dannyboy what have you been up to
dannyboy
    Lila whines from outside the open door. Her
eyes look up at me like she knows something’s wrong.
    “You interested in some dinner?” Bobby hasn’t
noticed the way my hands are clamped around the broom handle, or
the cold sweat pushing through my pores.
    “Sure,” I say through gritted teeth.
    I hear him rustling through his cabinets.
“Let’s see… you like mac and cheese?”
    I nod, swallow, then say, “Sure,” trying to
keep that edge out of my voice.
    He doesn’t know, I tell myself. He doesn’t
know that’s what my father used to call me.
    I step outside and lean the broom against the
wall of the trailer, and sit in one of the lawn chairs. Lila comes
over and puts her head in my lap.
    Hug her squeeze her throttle her
    My fists remain clenched. Can’t touch her –
don’t want to hurt her.
    Staying here is a mistake. Staying here puts
Bobby in danger. Lila too. I should be alone, like I’ve been for
the past three years. Monsters don’t have pets, or nice lonely men
to be their surrogate fathers. Monsters don’t deserve these things.
And I am a monster.
    After I eat, I’ll thank Bobby for the clothes
and take to the road again. Maybe I can even leave Lila with
him.
     
     

 
-16-
    You might think that after those two loaded
hot dogs for lunch only hours ago, I might have less of an appetite
for dinner. Three bowls of macaroni later, I finally feel full.
    “I knew it was a good idea to make two
boxes,” Bobby says.
    “Thanks so much for… for everything,” I say
as Bobby pushes away from the table. He picks up both of our bowls
and puts them in the sink, then shuffles off to the living room
again. “Uh, you know, for dinner, and the clothes and all?”
    “Don’t mention it,” Bobby calls over his
shoulder.
    I stand and hesitate near the sink. If I want
to have any light when I head off I should