Hold Me Closer: The Tiny Cooper Story by David Levithan Read Free Book Online Page A

send in the Friend Brigade.
    Phil Wrayson enters from the side where Brad just left. Dialogue below is spoken, not sung.
    PHIL:
    It’s okay. There are plenty of other boys out there. I’m sure you’ll like one of them, too.
    TINY:
    But I like
him.
    PHIL:
    I’m sure there’s a better way to say this, but because that better way is just not occurring to me at the moment, I’m going to say it this way: He doesn’t like you back. Not the way you want him to.
    TINY:
    But that’s not fair!
    PHIL:
    I have absolutely no experience in this realm, but my gut instinct tells me that fairness isn’t really what breaking up is about.
    TINY:
    Breaking up? Is that what just happened?
    PHIL
    (
looking to where Brad left, then turning again to Tiny
):
    Unless he comes back here in the next five seconds, I would say so.
    They both count out five seconds. Tiny uses his fingers. At five, he releases a big sigh.
    TINY:
    Does it get easier?
    PHIL
    (
looking and sounding like he has no idea what he’s talking about
):
    Sure! Of course!
    Phil walks offstage. Which is really easy for him to do, considering.
    TINY:
    I thought I would be able to put Brad behind me and find someone better, smarter, more charming, and—most important—someone who liked me as much as I liked him. As the end of the school year came around, I dove right into the blue-eyed gaze of Silas, one of the other gay kids at our school. We didn’t have much in common, but I thought that being gay in common would be enough. I overlooked the fact that when I started talking about
Les Misérables
, he asked me if it was in French. Or when I mentioned “Memory,” he asked me what show it was from, and then found it
hysterical
that I would like a song that was sung by a cat. He’d talk to me, too, about things like politics, but I wasn’t really listening. I was thinking of something else. Or, more accurately, some
one
else.
    SILAS
, Ex-boyfriend #2, comes onstage and sits at a table—clearly, a date. Tiny sits at the table across from him. Looks him lovingly in the eye. The audience probably thinks, “Oh, this is going well.” Then Tiny opens his mouth.
    TINY ( to the tune of “I LIKE” ):
    Braaaaaaaaaaad! Brad Brad Brad Brad Brad. Brad Brad Brad.
    Brad Brad.
    Braaaaad.
    Braaaaad!
    Silas looks at him like he’s crazy and leaves.

ACT II, SCENE 3
    Lynda the babysitter enters, followed by The Ghost of Oscar Wilde.
    TINY:
    What are you doing here? Haven’t you gone off to Oberlin by now? And who is that with you?
    LYNDA:
    This is more of a thematic interruption than a realistic one. And this is Oscar Wilde.
    TINY:
    What is Oscar Wilde doing here?
    LYNDA:
    He’s proof that you can be a genius artist and still be a fool for love.
    TINY:
    I don’t think I’m ready for that lesson yet.
    Lynda dismisses The Ghost of Oscar Wilde from the stage. He goes without saying a word.
    LYNDA:
    You need to learn to put things in perspective.
    TINY:
    You say that, and all I hear is, “You need to stop being so crazy, Tiny Cooper.”
    LYNDA:
    That’s not what I said.
    TINY:
    But it’s what I heard! And I’m
not
crazy. The issues with my ex-boyfriends aren’t all my issues. They have issues, too.
    LYNDA:
    I know.
    TINY ( as if she didn’t just agree with him ):
    Don’t believe me? Send out exes #3, #12, and #16. They all broke up with me for basically the same reason.
    LYNDA:
    And what was that?
    TINY:
    My size.
    EXES #3, #12, AND #16
come out singing their lines from the parade. They seem disjointed out of the context of the song, like Cinderella and the others singing through the forest in the second act of
Into the Woods
.
    EX-BOYFRIEND #3:
    You’re so massive.
    EX-BOYFRIEND #12:
    I can’t conquer my doubt.
    EX-BOYFRIEND #16:
    I’m worried that you’ll break my bed.
    EX-BOYFRIEND #3:
    Just look at your size!
    EX-BOYFRIEND #12:
    I need someone with a nicer butt.
    EX-BOYFRIEND #16:
    I don’t mind if you want to delete me.
    The audience should feel uncomfortable here,