Holding On by Marcia Willett Read Free Book Online Page B

. . . They’d smashed his head to pulp and nearly severed it from his body . . .’ Sudden death striking out of a bright sunny day. His beloved big brother dead – and in such a way. Only, he, Mole, of all the family carried this burden of the real truth, learning gradually to live with it, coming to terms with it, and, now, it seemed, with the chance to overcome it. He had believed that if he could only hold on, not to be overborne and dragged down into the black pit with those terrible visions, he would eventually control the fear but he had never hoped for absolute freedom from it. Yet he was wise enough not to test himself too far, to hope for too much too soon. It had been his companion for fifteen years and he suspected that it would not relinquish its hold too readily.
    He whistled beneath his breath as he climbed Crowders Hill and turned into Above Town. The door was open and he beat a tattoo as he passed into the narrow hall with a shouted greeting. Fliss came out of the kitchen to meet him and they hugged. She was wearing one of her wrap-around Indian skirts and a short-sleeved cheesecloth shirt, its tails tied around her waist. Mole was very conscious of women’s clothes and he preferred, on the whole, a more tailored look, but he thought that she looked rather charming in the long flowing skirt with her thick, fair hair twisted casually into a knot. It was difficult to see her dispassionately. She was his sister, friend, confidante, but he looked at her critically, seeing the shadows beneath her eyes and lines of strain about her mouth.
    â€˜Are you OK?’ he asked, following her into the living room across the hall from the kitchen. ‘Everything all right at home? How were Hal and Maria?’
    â€˜Everyone’s fine,’ she assured him. ‘Mixed feelings about Hong Kong and the baby, of course.’
    â€˜That’s understandable, I suppose.’ He glanced about the room as he sat down in a Habitat chair, green corduroy slung hammock-like on stainless-steel tubing. He liked this room best. ‘Was Maria jealous about the baby?’
    She glanced at him sharply. It still surprised her that Mole should be so observant, so quick to assess the thoughts and feelings of others.
    â€˜It’s funny that you should say that,’ she said slowly, curling up in the matching chair. ‘She was rather odd about it all. She went very still, expressionless . . .’
    â€˜As if her features are icing over,’ assisted Mole when Fliss seemed lost for words. ‘I know. But her eyes are alive, as if all her feelings have gone into her eyes.’
    â€˜What an extraordinary thing to say.’ Fliss began to laugh – and then frowned. ‘It’s true, though. There’s something painful about it, somehow.’
    â€˜She’s not a very confident person,’ said Mole. ‘I feel rather sorry for her. It’s silly really because she’s so pretty and all that. But she’s too busy thinking about Hal to relax. And dear old Hal is such a friendly person that her life must be hell. She’s jealous of you because he’s so fond of you. And now there’s the baby as well.’
    â€˜Why should she mind about the baby?’ asked Fliss quickly, sheering away from the subject of Hal’s affection for her. ‘There’s nothing to stop her and Hal having a baby.’
    Mole watched her thoughtfully, seeing her expression cloud, noting the brusque note in her voice.
    â€˜True,’ he said, ‘but she won’t be first, will she? I expect she would have preferred to produce the first child of the next generation.’
    â€˜She’s had two years,’ Fliss pointed out. ‘No one was stopping her. They said that they were going to start a family straight away.’
    â€˜Hal’s been at sea a lot,’ said Mole. ‘Perhaps she’s been unlucky, which is why she’s so upset.’
    â€˜We