Hooked by K. C. Falls Read Free Book Online Page B

chef had apparently taught me nothing. Nor had my disastrous liaisons with the only two 'boyfriends' I had ever had. I had almost come to the conclusion that I was better off utterly single and celibate. Almost. I knew enough to know I hadn't quite 'gotten' the whole picture. I had promised myself after Nathan that the next time I would choose wisely. I'd find someone who was safer and more down to earth. That's how Jake happened. Then I actually took a step backward with the restaurant crush. That one put me just slightly above 'too stupid to live'.
    I told myself that it was perfectly natural to be somewhat overwhelmed by my new hot boss. My experience didn't include a lot of men like Morgan Wolf.  In fact my experience didn't include a lot of men period.
    Nathan, damn him, had been my first. I dated a few guys in high school but they always struck me as way too focused on the destination rather than the journey. It wasn't prudishness on my part. I would have gladly had sex with a guy I felt connected. But I simply didn't feel it.
    Nathan was a year ahead of me in culinary school. He'd dropped out of college to pursue his dream of being a chef and struck me as very dedicated and intense. He had carefully cultivated a rough style that I mistook for an anti-hero kind of charm. At nineteen, I thought I was way too old to be a virgin. After Nathan and I had dated for a while I made up my mind that I needed to get it over with.
    When the time came, I wanted to back out but he pressured me. He made me feel so guilty that I went through with it, hating myself for being so weak and later hating him for pushing me. I idiotically thought that the act of sex would miraculously elevate a so-so relationship to love. Instead, when he rolled off my body the first time, all I felt was an urgent need to bathe.
    I never could make up my mind if what Nathan had done to me was date rape. No, he hadn't drugged me. Instead he used shame to get what he wanted.
    We stayed a half-hearted couple until he graduated. He took it for granted that I'd be available and like a fool, I was. The sex was never great, the friendship wasn't and love never happened. When he moved along I was happy to see him go. It was the end of a bad romance.
    I thought I'd be able to work my way back to some kind of self respect when I met Jake.
    Jake was the epitome of a nice guy. He was a good friend and there was a lot of mutual respect. We didn't argue. Ever. My family adored him. While most of the guys in the program were fighting to mark their territories, Jake stood out like a steady sore thumb. He was jovial, intelligent and boring . It took me almost a year to figure out that I wanted more than nice.
    With Jake, the physical part of the relationship was almost an afterthought. The earth did not move. It almost felt like a mutual obligation. We had this 'thing'. Adults who have a 'thing' have sex. We were mediocre between the sheets. Lukewarm at best. We parted with the same lack of drama that imbued the whole relationship. It added a nice measure of disappointment to what my parents already felt about my choices in life.
    After that, I spent some much needed time alone. When I landed the Topanga gig I suppose my healthy young hormones were looking for somebody to rage for. That I chose Chef Asshole proved to me that I could indeed manage three strikes in a row. Licking my wounds and moving on was part of hopefully getting back in the game.
    But not with Morgan Wolf.  Okay, so the man made every nerve in my body stand straight up and say 'howdy!' That's what beautiful naked men are supposed to do to healthy young women. It was a freak encounter.
    I rubbed the knot on my head. It wasn't about the man himself. It was about having my boss surprise me: first naked in the night and now silently. Yes, that was it. That's what rendered me speechless and slightly out of breath. Silly me.
    I was actually laughing out loud at myself when Captain Richard came in with Angelo,