Hostile Takeover by Patrick E. McLean Read Free Book Online Page A

as free as a metaphor gone bad. Yeah, he thought, as his waddle lengthened into a damp swagger—that's how I roll—weird and loose baby. Weird and loose. Nothing’s gonna slow me down.
    Except that.
    On the steps of Omdemnity Building One, a small boy sat hugging his knees and crying. Topper had seen a lot of strange things in his time with Edwin Windsor. After dealing with men who could fly or thought themselves the reincarnation of Charlemagne—and one guy with terrible psoriasis who claimed the absolutely useless power to be able to talk to fish—he didn't think there was anything left that could surprise him. He was wrong.
    "Hey, little fella, are you okay?"
    With eyes filled with tears, the boy peered over the top of his knees at Topper. "Did your Daddy bring you here too?" he asked.
    "What? No, no. I'm not a kid. I'm just short, powerfully built and irresistible to women of a certain persua… anyway, that's not important. Why ya crying? Why ya sittin’ out here? It's colder than a witch’s tit."
    "They were mean to me."
    "Okay, okay. That makes sense. 'They' were pretty crappy to me too, when I was your size. It's okay: you're gonna grow up big and tall and strong and then you can beat them up, see?"
    "I don't want to beat anybody up," the boy said without looking up.
    "But it will be EASY!" Topper said, "They'll be all old and wrinkly by then and you can push them and their walkers over and say, 'Hah. That's what ya get for picking on the little guy.'"
    "Did they push you down in the snow?"
    "Yeah kid, lotsa times. But I always get back up again."
    Just then a scared man in the garb of an Adjustor came stumbling out of the building. It was Jerry. For every rule, there is an exception. For every set, there is an outlier. Such was Jerry. He was the one Adjustor who didn't fit. A good egg trying as hard as he could to fit in a bad basket. In the past, Jerry had been a source of great amusement to Topper; just now, Topper couldn't remember what the joke was.
    "Oh, thank God, is he okay?" said Jerry.
    Topper was pretty sure Adjustors were forbidden, by policy, to believe in God, but he gave that a pass and said, "Aside from some hurt feelin's, yeah, I think he is. What happened?"
    Jerry hugged his boy as if he was afraid someone would take him away. Which, given the kinds of things Omdemnity Insurance did, was a reasonable worry. "Oh, God, how am I going to get him home? I'm late for work as it is." He stroked Timmy's head frantically and Topper noticed that Jerry was shaking. Then Jerry's eyes snapped up to Topper. "Did you hurt him?"
    "No. NO! I just found him sitting here. Come on, I'm a bad guy, but I'm not a fucking asshole." Topper quickly covered his mouth. "Sorry, I don't spend much time around kids. What are you doing bringing a kid here anyway?"
    "It's National Bring Your Kid to Work Day."
    "Jerry, we don't have a Bring Your Kid to Work Day."
    "But I thought… Oh, jeeze, I'm so stupid."
    Topper looked at father and son for a moment and then said, "Take him home, Jerry, Omdemnity's President of Vice commands it. This is no place for a kid. Ya gonna be okay, kid. Ya gotta good Dad—a little stupid about where he works, but he's gonna take care of you. Ya gonna grow up big and strong and nobody's gonna bother you again."
    Little Timmy nodded and made a snuffling noise as he wiped away tears with the back of his wrist.
    Topper looked up at Jerry and said, "He's gonna be okay, y'know. Take it from me, little guys are tougher than you think."
    As Jerry carried his son off into the parking lot, Topper called after him, "Ya know, you're a real jerk for bringing your kid to a place like this!" But inside, he wished his Dad had cared enough to take him into work. Hell, he wished his Dad had cared even enough to stick around after he was born.

    Topper pushed his way into the lobby, grateful for the warmth. In the middle of the grey, utilitarian room stood a flat-faced security guard. He seemed to be cloned from the