How Best to Avoid Dying by Owen Egerton Read Free Book Online Page A

fucking kidding me,” Kent says.
    â€œYou…” I point at Kent. Sitting there all smug and bruised, just a few feet from Jesus. “You stole my place, Kent. That’s my place.”
    â€œYou want it? Come and take it.”
    I run at him. He doesn’t move, just takes another drag on his cigarette. I slam into him, only it’s more slamming through him and for a second my stomach drops and knots, like I’m standing on the edge of a canyon. Below me are miles of nothing. Then I’m past him and I smack into a pole.
    When I open my eyes I see Jesus. He’s looking down at me, and he looks sad. Disappointed, I guess. Me trying to fight Kent’s ghost, me and Pricilla. All these thoughts I’m not supposed to have. He died for me and this is how I thank him?
    â€œJesus,” I say, “I’m sorry.”
    He looks so sad.
    â€œJesus, please forgive me.”
    He smiles. His teeth are black. “No,” he says.
    â€œI have to ride that fucking waterslide a hundred times a day,” Kent mumbles. “Ungrateful bastard. A hundred times a day.”
    As he’s speaking the clouds begin to go pink and their green bodies start fading.
    â€œJesus?” I say, getting to my feet. But Jesus is making eyes at Becky. “Jesus!” They fade away as he scoots over to light her cigarette. The green flame is the last I see of them.
    I’m still standing there when Rich comes out of his office, same clothes as the night before and his eyes red like he hasn’t slept a wink.
    â€œGrab your stuff. We’re leaving in five minutes.”
    Pricilla and I sit in the back of the camp van as Rich maneuvers the windy road with the mountain slanting up on one side and cutting down on the other. As we pass the sign that says G O WITH G OD , Pricilla starts to weep a little. I take her hand.
    â€œI had a dream about Kent,” she whispers. “He was smiling and flying. He had this white robe and was so happy.” She smiles. “And we were singing, him and me. We were singing ‘Jesus Loves Me.’”
    I think of telling her about green Jesus and the smoking and the canyon feeling inside Kent. But why? It won’t make her happier. Doesn’t make me happier. And maybe it never happened. Maybe I dreamt it all. And Jesus is just as he has always been. Loving me. Watching over me. Maybe this is real faith, believing when you know it’s not true.
    Rich’s head bobs to the side just a little as she and I start softly singing.
    â€œJesus loves us, this we know…”
    I see Rich’s head bow and I think he’s praying. Then the van drifts and hits some small pines on the side of the road. Rich jerks up and pulls on the wheel and we’re skidding. Pricilla squeezes my hand. A wheel catches the edge and the vantilts so hard I hit the ceiling. Through the windshield I can the see the valley and the trees and some sky, and we’re falling and turning and we’re floating inside the van, like the inside of Kent. Just before we hit, I swear I hear Pricilla whimper, “Save us Zoroaster.”

TONIGHT AT NOON
    Mingus is no good for hangovers. You want something softer. Bill Evans or Chet Baker. But I like Mingus, even if he hurts my head, so I flip on the stereo and let him play.
    It’s noon. Already hot, sunlight sneering through the blinds. Jenny’s not in bed. She’s always up before me. On the speaker by the door, there’s a roach bouncing to the music. I’ve got to get more roach bait, though Jenny hates the stuff. She hates roaches too but thinks the bait boxes are cruel tricks, unfair fighting.
    There’s a smell in the hallway. A bad smell. Like the toilet’s backed up.
    I find her in the kitchen. She’s naked and on the floor. Eyes open. I fall down beside her and say her name. I shake her. I check her pulse, but I know. Her skin feels like damp rubber. Not quite cold, but not alive. My