How to be poor by George Mikes Read Free Book Online Page B

possessing too much money, yet it
is equally wise to enjoy the money of others. Their aim is not to be millionaires but to live like millionaires.
    In my own experience most
millionaires are overworked, anxious people under constant pressure to preserve
their money and to keep up appearances. In addition to which, as Logan Pearsall
so rightly remarked: “It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to
live with rich people.” But it is less wretched for the poor to live with rich
people and enjoy all the benefits of their friends’ fortunes. Indeed, poor
people in that position are carefree and happy; they live a long time and are
very good company. And this leads to the second mikes law of
economics: Only a
poor man can live like a millionaire.
    It is not so much the rich, as the
money-maniacs — rich and poor — who poison the air. They have invented a
set of rules for themselves: i. You must surround yourself with people in the
news, with people who are talked about. It is good to be seen with TV
personalities however empty-headed, with giggling actors who have gained a
little notoriety in idiotic radio-parlour games, with boxers and with jockeys (
but not with football players). Scientists and Thinkers, on the other hand — or
any other kind of eminent person who does not figure in the gossip columns —
are of no interest whatsoever. 2. Authors should be classified according to the
number of books they sell. The author of best selling rubbish is good, the
author of brilliant books revered by intellectuals... well, who knows about them,
in any case? 3. Money is the only value: money is measurable, nothing else is.
    These attitudes have two results.
    1. Rich people can afford much
less than the poor.
    A poor person may live at any
pleasant place he chooses: the rich must have a “good address”. A
basement hole in Mayfair is to be preferred to a charming house even in
“up-coming” Barnes. I am a proud and conceited poor and am convinced that
wherever I live is a good address. Good enough for me. Some of the rich fail to
realise that any address becomes lousy as soon as it becomes their address.
    My favourite restaurant is a Czech
place in Hampstead, run by a genius of a cook who has the magic touch. The
decor is not outstanding, there is not one original Picasso or one crystal
chandelier to be seen, and one can be fairly sure from the look of the place
that food is more important to Mrs H than fresh paint. No rich person could afford to be seen there. They might start patronising the place if Mrs H quadrupled
her prices and made them ludicrous, but she keeps them as low as she can and no
rich person can afford to pay so little. So the poor rich must go to
places where the food varies between the indifferent and the uneatable, but the
pictures on the wall vie with those in the Tate.
    Poor people can dress as badly as the
greatest aristocrat. Well... perhaps they cannot go around in quite such
rags as an eleventh earl is likely to wear, but they do not need to bother with
such irrelevancies as clothes. A few poor men overdo it and go about in rags, not
because they cannot afford cheap but pleasant-looking rubbish, but because they
want to look like aristocrats or the old rich: a snobbish new-poor attitude. The rich, in turn, must wear — at weddings, for example — such
outmoded and foolish clothes as a morning coat. And top hats.
    Once, for a royal garden party, I
made the foolish mistake of hiring a morning coat and top hat. I was — even at
the party — thoroughly ashamed of myself. I made a sacred vow: never again. And
this is one of the few sacred vows I have kept. I would rather be seen in
mediaeval knightly armour than in morning coat and top hat.
    2. The second result of
money-mindedness is that only the poor can really enjoy things; the rich
just suffer if something is not perfect.
    A poor person appreciates the good
things in life because they are exceptional for him. The rich person turns