How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive by Christopher Boucher Read Free Book Online Page B

care of him,” I yelled into the phone. “You watch him. You make sure he sleeps well at night and stays happy at his job and is safe with the women and doesn’t get sick.”
    “Are we done?” Colorado said.
    I had no other threats to make. I just held the phone to my ear and listened to Colorado’s breath coming through the receiver, filled with smoke and mountains.
    “Please,” I said into the phone.
BAYWATCH
    The Lady from the Land of the Beans became pregnant and gave birth tothe Volkswagen as a result of a grief-stricken condom. Or, it happened because of what the Heart Attack Tree did to my father.
    Or, the birth itself never happened; we discovered she was pregnant and the next day we went to have the child aborted.
    We were driving to the clinic in the Volkswagen Promise, though, and the Promise broke down on us before we could get there.
    The Lady from the Land of the Beans’s belly was huge—there was a car inside her, for sarah’s sake. She waited in the Promise of the Passenger Seat while I went around to the engine compartment and tried to figure out what was wrong. I opened the rear lid and saw, between mysterious cables and parts, a little scuffed-up set and two actors in velvety costumes performing before a film crew and a fleet of cameras.
    When I opened the hatch the scene stopped and everyone looked up at me. One man, wearing a set of headphones, yelled “cut!” while others covered their eyes from the new light, made angry faces at me or motioned for me to lower the panel. I did; I closed the lid, spooled briskly back into the car and asked the Lady from the Land of the Beans to hand me the Promise factory manual.
    “Why?” she said.
    “They’re filming a movie in there,” I told her.
    “They are? What kind of movie?” she asked.
    “Just, give me the manual, will you?”
    “I don’t think it comes with a manual,” she said.
    “That can’t be right,” I said. I went around to the front and opened the hood, under which was an Olympic-sized swimming pool—the air was seeped with chlorine and I could hear the rhythmic slapping of tiny arms against the water. My glasses began to fog up. “No book in here, either,” I announced.
    “_____, wait a second,” said the Lady from the Land of the Beans.
    “That’s ridiculous that there’s no instruction manual,” I said. Then I had an idea—something was made. I closed the hood and got back in the car. “Oh my god,” I said. “I think I have an amazing idea—an idea for a new—”
    “Wait, wait,” the Lady from the Land of the Beans said, and sheleaned in and took my hands in hers. “What’s happening here?”
    “So there’s no manual, right?” I said. “So my idea is—”
    “_____,” she said. Her hands were roots and wires. “You’re not listening to me.”
    “You’re not listening to
me
,” I told her.
    “I think this moment means something,” she said. “I think we’re supposed to have this baby.”
    I was so stunned I couldn’t say anything. Then I said, “What?”
    “Just, I want you to look past yourself for a moment.”
    “OK,” I said.
    “And think about what’s happening inside me, and also what
we’re
inside.”
    “What are we inside?” I asked.
    “We could have the whole world here,” she said. “A child. A whole new set of stories.”
    “We talked about this, we did,” I said. “Who was the one that said we couldn’t handle this—that we’d be
horrible
parents?”
    “I was,” the Lady from the Land of the Beans said.
    “We’re not even
together
,” I pressed.
    “I’m not saying I didn’t say that. I did—”
    “You did,” I said.
    “But I can’t think about the past, or what will happen next. All I can think about is what’s right for this moment. I mean, there is love here.”
    I didn’t say anything.
    “Isn’t there?”
    “Yes,” I said.
    “Yes,” she said. “If there really is, then what’s the worst that could happen?”
    How could I respond? My