How to Meet Cute Boys by Deanna Kizis, Ed Brogna Read Free Book Online Page B

can’t,” I said. “I’m going with Audrey to look at wedding dresses.”
    “Sunday?”
    “I can’t. I’m going with Audrey to look at more wedding dresses if she doesn’t find one on Saturday.” I put my head down next
     to my drink.
    “
Goddamn
her.” Kiki banged her hand on the table so hard it hurt my brain. “I’m sorry, but this is the
last thing you need
. Hi? You’re twenty-seven. You’re single. And your twenty-one-year-old sister, who as we both know looks like a Barbie doll,
     is getting married before you. It’s not okay.”
    Nina said, “It must feel terrible to have your younger sister get married before you’ve even found a decent boyfriend.”
    “Please shut up,” I said, only half joking. “I’m
happy
for Audrey.”
    Nina raised her eyebrows at me. I noticed she’d recently had them tweezed into fine little arches—Drew Barrymore, but full
     of scorn and surprise.
    “You could hurt someone with those things,” I said.
    I stood, found my balance, and said I had to go to the bathroom. But what I really did was sneak to the pay phone in back
     to check my voicemail. It was pathetic. But I figured as long as I knew it was pathetic, then it wasn’t really pathetic, right?
Right?
    I had … Two … Messages. The first was sent … today … at … eight … twenty-two … P.M . … Damn, it was from the Mother. “Have you given any thought to what you want to do for the bridal shower? Martha says that
     starting to plan right away is crucial …” I pressed 3 and erased. The second message was sent … today … at … nine … forty-seven
     … P.M . “Hey, it’s Max.”
    No way
.
    “What’s up with you? I’m about to head out to some club thing …
    Hey, Stu? Where’s it at?” I heard someone shout back an answer. “It’s at Deluxe,” Max said.
    Where is Deluxe?
I thought.
What is Deluxe? Why didn’t we go to Deluxe?
    “Okay. Whatever. Want to get dinner or something one night this week? I’ll try you from work tomorrow.”
    “He called?” Kiki asked when I returned to the table with a grin. “See?” she said. “I
knew
he was going to call. I just knew it.”
    “It must feel good to be validated with a phone call,” Nina said with a nod. Then she looked at her watch. “Oh my, it’s past
     eleven.” She stood up, and said, “We’re going to have to stop.”
    Like she was my therapist, and our time was up.
    FILLY QUIZ
ARE YOU, OR ARE YOU NOT, A STALKER?
That
is the question.
    BY BENJAMINA FRANKLIN
    So you think he could be The One, but then the questions start. Why hasn’t he called? Maybe you should do a drive-by and see
     if he’s home? Should you call from your cell and ask if he wants to have lunch? If you get the voicemail, should you hang
     up? Here’s the real question you should be asking: Are you a stalker who’s bound to drive him away because you can’t stop
     obsessing? Take our quiz!

    1. On your monthly phone bill, you pay:
    a. $132 for caller ID, voicemail, and long-distance calls to your best friend from high school, who usually wants to discuss
     why some guy hasn’t answered her last Instant Message.
    b. $102 for voicemail, charges for the obligatory Sunday-night calls to Mom, and that’s about it. You don’t chitchat on the
     phone much because you’re way too busy.
    c. $167 for voicemail, caller ID (so you know if that hang-up on your voicemail was him), call waiting caller ID (in case that’s
     him on the other line), caller ID block (so he won’t know when you call him seven times in a row), and 1-900-2morrow calls,
     during which you ask a clairvoyant whether or not he’ll marry you.
    2. When you call your best friend you:
    a. Get her voicemail, again. She’s sick of listening to you talk about him morning, noon, and night, but this doesn’t stop you
     from leaving a message that says, “Mayday! Mayday! I just drove by his house and there was this strange car in the drive-way.
     Do you think it’s another woman?”
    b. Ask