How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy by Charles Fudgemuffin Read Free Book Online Page B

spaceship to journey somewhere more remote where they could look for their third victim and thus potentially earn themselves a double letter score.

Chapter Four – The Greater Good
     
    Back on the spaceship with Eric…
     
    “…so how come the plant grew so quickly, then?” Eric inquired, as Jixyl and Azleev finished bringing him up-to-date on their adventures since arriving on Earth.  “Did you use some clever alien plant acceleration growth technology on it, did you?”
    “No, I just snapped a stalk off a hedge and stuck it in the plant-pot,” Jixyl revealed.
    “Anyway, that’s basically what The Nivlax Festival is all about,” Azleev summarised.  “We fly to various planets throughout the galaxy and play pranks on people.  If you get your victim so angry that they swear then you get the first letter of that planet towards making a word.  If you get three people to swear then you get a double letter score.  And if you get three people in a row to swear you get a triple letter score.
    Then once you’ve got a few letters you make a word out of the letters and whoever makes the word with the most points wins.”
    “Ar, we’ve got a game a bit like that on Earth,” Eric mused.  “Only it doesn’t involve pranks.  It involves…”  Eric paused.
    “What?” Jixyl inquired.
    “Ar, just, er…”  Eric paused again.  “Em … ar, just little tiles on a board.  It’s called Scrabble.”
    “Well our version is called The Nivlax Festival,” Jixyl replied.  “And it involves playing pranks on people on other planets.  Not little tiles on a board.”
    “But I think I should just point out that I’m not usually this childish,” Azleev interjected.  “I’m usually quite mature and responsible.  But it’s just sort of a tradition so you have to go along with it.”
    “And I think I should point out that I am usually this childish,” Jixyl added.  “But if there’s any excuse to be extra childish then I’m all in favour of it.”
    “Anyway, so did I spoil your triple letter score by not swearing?” Eric inquired.  “Just cos I don’t normally swear in everyday conversation, but if it helps you get your double letter score then I don’t mind saying ‘fuck.’”
    “It’s okay,” Azleev replied.  “We’re still on for a potential double letter score anyway, cos you already said ‘fuck’ in any case.  You said ‘flip’ at first, but then in the end you said ‘fuck.’”
    “Did I?” Eric queried.  “I thought I just said ‘flip.’”
    “Nar, you definitely said ‘fuck,’” Jixyl confirmed.  “You said it a few times actually.  Once just before you fainted and then you said a few more ‘fucks’ when you finally realised that we were really aliens.”
    “It must have just been the shock of seeing a spaceship and the shock of meeting aliens from another planet,” Eric explained.
    “You don’t have to explain yourself,” Jixyl replied.  “We’re glad you said ‘fuck.’  It means we still might get our double letter score.”
    Eric smirked as he tried to get his head around the bizarreness of the concept of The Nivlax Festival.  “It’s a weird idea for a festival, like,” he remarked, before quickly adding, “It sounds class, though.  We should have something like that in England.  I mean on Earth.”  He generally thought of himself as English, rather than an Earthling, but he figured that in the presence of aliens it was probably more appropriate to refer to himself as an Earthling, rather than English.  “We’ve got April Fool’s Day, I suppose, but that’s a bit small scale compared to what yous do.”
    “Aye, you can’t beat The Nivlax Festival,” Jixyl enthused.
    “Although I have to say, though … you were a bit sly with that first lass, like,” Eric commented.  “Like, she obviously really wants to get in touch with her ex-boyfriend and you’re just thinking of a funny prank to play on her.  I think you crossed the line