How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Read Free Book Online Page B

I’ve tried that
    stuff. It doesn’t work - not with intelligent people.”

    Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people.
    It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to fail
    and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so
    thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow anything,
    just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms.

    Even Queen Victoria was susceptible to flattery.
    Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli confessed that he put
    it on thick in dealing with the Queen. To use his exact
    words, he said he “spread it on with a trowel.” But Disraeli
    was one of the most polished, deft and adroit men
    who ever ruled the far-flung British Empire. He was a
    genius in his line. What would work for him wouldn’t
    necessarily work for you and me. In the long run, flattery
    will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit,
    and like counterfeit money, it will eventually get you
    into trouble if you pass it to someone else.

    The difference between appreciation and flattery?
    That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere.
    One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth
    out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally
    admired; the other universally condemned.

    I recently saw a bust of Mexican hero General Alvaro
    Obregon in the Chapultepec palace in Mexico City.
    Below the bust are carved these wise words from General
    Obregon’s philosophy: “Don’t be afraid of enemies
    who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”

    No! No! No! I am not suggesting flattery! Far from it.
    I’m talking about a new way of life. Let me repeat. I am
    talking about a new way of life.
     
    King George V had a set of six maxims displayed on
    the walls of his study at Buckingham Palace. One of
    these maxims said: “Teach me neither to proffer nor receive
    cheap praise.” That’s all flattery is - cheap praise.
    I once read a definition of flattery that may be worth
    repeating: “Flattery is telling the other person precisely
    what he thinks about himself.”

    “Use what language you will,” said Ralph Waldo
    Emerson, “you can never say anything but what you
    are ."

    If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch
    on and we should all be experts in human relations.

    When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite
    problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our
    time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking
    about ourselves for a while and begin to think of the
    other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to
    flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted almost
    before it is out of the mouth,

    One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence
    is appreciation, Somehow, we neglect to praise
    our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good
    report card, and we fail to encourage our children when
    they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse.

    Nothing pleases children more than this kind of
    parental interest and approval.

    The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send
    word to the chef that it was excellently prepared, and
    when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy,
    please mention it.

    Every minister, lecturer and public speaker knows the
    discouragement of pouring himself or herself out to an
    audience and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative
    comment. What applies to professionals applies
    doubly to workers in offices, shops and factories and our
    families and friends. In our interpersonal relations we
    should never forget that all our associates are human
    beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the legal tender
    that all souls enjoy.

    Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude
    on your daily trips. You will be surprised how they will
    set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons
    on your next visit.

    Pamela Dunham of New Fairfield, Connecticut, had
    among her responsibilities on her job the supervision of
    a