station. In the darkness Jon struggles to keep the car on the road. The tiny eyes of raccoons reflect the headlights at every turn as our SUV descends further into the forest. When we find the cabin, Jon parks well off of the dirt road and as close to the cabin as possible. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, but it still looks the same: unaffected by time.
Jon uses the ranger's keys to open the front door. Both of the girls are right behind me as I shine the flashlight through the cabin. He flips the light switch and the whole cabin is illuminated. The place does have everything we will need: four bunk beds lined against the far left wall, a wooden stove in the middle against the back wall, a closed off area to the right with bathrooms, and a shower.
“Please let there be hot water…” I say hopefully.
For now this place would suffice. We unpack everything throughout the cabin. The girls help Jon and me bring everything into the kitchen area against the back wall, and we fill what appears to be some sort of pantry. I begin to sort it all out as Jon grabs the last few things from the car. I hear the car lock, and Jon returns, locking the front door behind him. I look up at him and we both nod.
We made it.
Both girls sit on one of the benches, looking at me. Which one is which is still beyond me. “Well, girls, what do you say we get you both cleaned up?” They return with smiles. Sara, or is it Caitlyn, still has broken leaves throughout her hair.
Jon tosses two towels from our bags and a plastic bag filled with soap and shampoo. I check the bathroom and the girls head in. Some steam pours out from under the door shortly after they’ve turned on the shower. Another victory. Within fifteen minutes, the girls are already out and dressed in some of my clothes that barely fit them. They look completely different now. Their skin is almost white and their hair is nearly black-it makes their eyes seem almost neon blue. They start to do each others’ hair into long pigtails. I let them be.
Behind me, Jon continues sorting through everything. He yawns, clearly exhausted by the events of the day.
“Some of this can wait.” I reassure him.
“ I know; I’m almost done. It’s been a long day.” he answers. His eyes look heavy.
“ I’m going take a shower and then go to bed. I need to rinse this day off,” I say to him after I feel that both girls are situated. He nods and I grab my things for the bathroom.
I shut the wooden door. My entire body feels exhausted, and I strip to nothing and stand in front of the shower head. My bare feet shuffle through the warm puddles left over from the twins’ showers. The water is ice cold, but it does not even phase me – I guess they used all the hot water for one night. I close my eyes and let the water run down my face. I start to think of the entire day: Dad, the bodies, the knife, the girls, the supermarket, the ranger. I feel so overwhelmed that I brace myself against the wall with my pruning hand. My heart begins to beat faster and I feel the mask that I’ve worn all day finally give out. I crouch down and bring my knees to my chest. The tears running down my face feel no different than the water. This cannot be reality. All of this chaos, death, and responsibility. I cannot do this.
I pinch the undersides of my arms. Please wake up, please wake up, please wake up.
Chapter 12: Jonathon
“I hope you two love chicken noodle soup.” I yell to the girls as I set another can at that end of the table. Between the ranger and our house we have thirteen huge cans already of that alone. They only complain a little. I think they understand. The stacks of cans and bottled water grow as I empty the ranger’s boxes out. The more I organize the