I Love Dick by Chris Kraus Read Free Book Online Page A

and pathetic.
    S: Chris, I already told you he wouldn’t call. He has a tendency to pull away. We’ve taken the decision for him. Deciding on his thoughts. Remember the introduction that we wrote for him? In a sense Dick isn’t necessary. He has more to say by not saying anything and maybe he’s aware of it. We’ve been treating Dick like a dumb cunt. Why should he like it? By not calling he’s playing right into his role.
    C: You’re wrong. Dick’s response has nothing to do with character. It’s the situation. This reminds me of something that happened when I was 11 years old. There was this man at the local radio station who’d been very nice to me. He let me talk over the air. Then one day a cloud came over me, I started throwing rocks into the windshield of his car. It made sense while I was doing it but later I felt crazy and ashamed.
    S: Do you want to throw a rock through Dick’s Thunderbird?
    C: I already have. Though mostly I’ve debased myself.
    S: No.
    C: Of course. I’ve projected a total fantasy onto an unsuspecting person and then actually asked him to respond!
    S: But Chris, I think his embarrassment isn’t in relation to you or me but to himself. What can he do?
    C: I hate being thrown into such a physical state. When the phone rang during dinner my face flushed, my heart was pounding. Laura and Elizabeth drove all this way to visit us and I like them but I couldn’t wait for them to leave.
    S: Isn’t that experiencing life to the hilt?
    C: No, it’s just a dumb infatuation. I’m so ashamed.
    S: But even if his silence hurts you, isn’t that what attracted you to him? The fact that he was inaccessible. So, I think there is a contradiction there, at least nothing to feel ashamed of—
    C: I took terrible liberties with another person. He has every right to laugh at me.
    S: I doubt he’s laughing. Perhaps biting his fingers.
    C: I feel so teenage. When you’re living so intensely in your head you actually believe when something happens you’ve imagined, that you caused it. When Leonora OD’d on bad acid from my boyfriend Donald, he and Paul and I sat up all night in the park and made a pact that if Leonora wasn’t out of Ward 16 tomorrow we’d kill ourselves. When you’re living so intensely in your head there isn’t any difference between what you imagine and what actually takes place. Therefore, you’re both omnipotent and powerless.
    S: You’re saying teenagers aren’t in their heads?
    C: No, they’re so far in that there’s no difference between the inside of their heads and the world.
    S: So what’s happening in Dick’s head now?
    C: Oh Sylvère, he’s not a teenager. He’s not experiencing any feeling of infatuation for me. He’s in a normal state, well, whatever’s normal for him, wondering how to deal with this horrible mawkish situation.
    S: If he’s thinking about it, he’ll call tonight. If not, he’ll call on Tuesday morning. But he will definitely call.
    C: Sylvère, this is like the Institute of Emotional Research.
    S: It’s funny how what we’re after is so fleeting and so easily lost. The only way we can recapture any feeling is by evoking Dick.
    C: He’s our Imaginary Friend.
    S: Do we need that? It’s so mixed up. At times we reach these peaks of real possession at his expense, but through it we’re able to see him more clearly than he ever would himself.
    C: Don’t be so presumptuous! You keep talking about Dick as if he was your little brother. You think you have his number—
    S: Well, I don’t have the same take on him as you do.
    C: I don’t have a take . I’m in love with him.
    S: It’s so unfair. What has he done to deserve this?
    C: Do you think we’re doing this because we’re anxious and confused about leaving California?
    S: No, leaving’s our routine. But what