IMPULSE: Companion to The PULSE Series by Deborah Bladon Read Free Book Online Page A

side-to-side.
    I feel like I'm talking to my niece or nephew about a bad mark they got on a spelling test. There's no offer of assistance. She's not even trying to assuage my worry or concern.  "What's going on?" I blurt the question out.
    "Nathan." She takes a step towards me. "I'm sorry."
    The words hit me with the same force as the first time she slapped me across my face when she thought I was cheating on my ex-girlfriend, Cassandra, with her. I'm sorry. The phrase is meant to placate and please. It's meant to chase away the bad deed and replace it all with feelings of hope and promise. All I can hear is the veiled confession of a woman who I love desperately. All I can see is her falling into the bed of a man who isn't me. All I know is that this is my future standing in front of me telling me that she's sorry.
    "For what?" I know my voice is trembling. I can't control it. I don't want to hear her response but I know that I have to. This is the very reason why I avoided relationships most of my life. This is why I wouldn't allow my heart to feel too deeply.
    "I've done things." Her breath hitches as she says the words. "I've been missing work."
    I don't give a fuck about her work. I don't give a shit about anything other than the things that she's doing with the other guy who waltzed into Axel in a suit. The guy she kissed.
    "Why?" I ask, trying desperately to not reach out and pull her into me. One part of me feels repulsed by the idea of her with anyone else. The other part of me is watching her tremble. She needs me to anchor her emotions. She needs to hold tight to me so she can find the strength within herself to confess. I fist my hands at my side, trying to ward off the almost compulsive need I feel to embrace her.
    Her gaze drops to my hands and I see her tense. "I'm scared to tell you."
    I've never harmed Jessica. I can't. It's not within the fabric of my body or soul to cause her any discomfort, other than the fleeting bite of it when I'm buried completely inside of her. "I won't hurt you, Jessica," I say the words to appease her. I need her to know that she's safe with me. Regardless of what she's about to confess, I'm not going to lash out. I can't either verbally or physically.
    "I would never hurt you." Her tone is unyielding. "I would cut off my leg before I'd hurt you, Nathan."
    I charge forward, pulling her small body into my chest. I rest my chin against the top of her head. I wrap my arms around her back. She's sobbing now. "Just tell me."
    "I can't." Her hands skim across the front of my shirt. "I don't know how to."
    I reach up to cup her cheeks in my hands. I graze my lips softly across her forehead. "You can tell me anything. I can tell you anything. This is us."
    She nods as tears stream steadily from her eyes. "I love you more than anything, Nathan."
    I see the promise of those words in her eyes. She means it. She's not just saying it to quiet something that is roaring within me. She's saying it because it's her truth. It's what she feels. I see it.
    "Sasha said another man came to see you at Axel," I say the words gently. "Is it about him?"
    Before I can react she pushes back, her face loses all of its color, her hands fly in the air and she's on her heel headed for the door.
    "No, no, no…" she repeats over and over. "She had no right to tell you."
    I don't move. I can't. Her reaction is screaming at me. "Don't walk out of here, Jessica."
    She turns back, her face a cloudy mess of tears and anger. "You were checking up on me."
    It's immature and thoughtless. She's retreating back to the same girl she was when I met her at the club. She's the girl who bolted at the first sign of trouble. "I was looking for you because I missed you." I don't mince the words. There's no reason to. It's the truth, plain and simple.
    "You've been different since we got back from my sister's wedding."
    I take a moment to process the statement. It's accusatory even if it's not meant to be. Is she seriously pushing