In Memory by CJ Lyons Read Free Book Online Page A

other guy in the cellar.
    Maybe this will make more sense tomorrow. Eh, whatever. I slept in today , it was nice .
     
    158 Days, 22 September, Monday
    Eeheehee ! Noah was at school today! – dances -
    A ctually held a conversation with him. We talked about the Shakespearean play we’re doing in English.
    And he knows the whole thing already. He’s insanely smart. He just sat down and started to read the playbook without once looking at the help notes on the left page. And he didn’t once get a quizzical expression or a glazed look that suggested he wasn’t actually reading it.
    A m highly impressed.
    The only thing that sucks is that he sits in the back row, and I’m in the front, so I can’t surreptitio usly talk to him during class. M aybe tomorrow I’ll move.
    I sit directly in front of him in Math, so when the work period began, I promptly turned around and smiled at him.
    As a side note , I’m dreadful at Math.
    He was busily scribbling away at the assigned questions. He was al most finished. He’s amazing. S at there silently, watching his slender fingers skip over the buttons on the calculator.
    Then the Math teacher ordered I get to work and stop ogling my classmates. All of the other students snickered at this.
    That was horrifying. I remember this exact scene in my old school, before those guys came to beat me up. They start suspecting me, then the insults start, then they follow me home and beat me up.
    T hought it might be different in a bigger school. Stupid of me I guess.
    The worst part of this whole thing is that I’m sti ll confused about it myself. D on’t know if I’m gay. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, because I’ve never been attracted to anyone.
    Sure, I can appreciate if someone is handsome or beautiful, but I’ve never been interested that way.
    But, I thi nk I’m interested in Noah. S o confused. Do I just want to be his friend, or something else? If I want something more than friendship with him, that makes me gay, right? I think so.
    Which is what t hey will try to kill me for. C an’t be anything more than his friend. At least at school. That’s all we can ever be.
    Just friends.
    It’s not fair. All of the guys with girlfriends can talk about it freely. They can shout it out in the hallways and embarrass everyone with their public displays of affection.
    If I was to do that with a guy, it would be tantamount to a death sentence.
    It’s not fair.
    Noah was gone when I went to find him after school. I wonder where he goes…
     
    157 Days, 23 September, Tuesday
    Now it has just occurred to me that I sound kind of desperate to be friends with Noah. I am very much alone here at this school.
    That’s not to say that I hate the school. I really like it, the teachers are kind (except for Math) and for the most part, the other students are generally courteous.
    But there’s always that sort of bizarre alienation that comes with being the new student, which I believe is sort of amplified in higher grades. Mostly because everyone else has established circles of friends and rules within these cliques that must be obeyed. Like an academic status quo.
    And since I am a new element in this weird miasma of unspoken teenage legislation, I am friendless. I suppose if I was involved in sports or other clubs, maybe I could get some friends.
    As it is, I work after school every day, so extracurriculars are out , and I don’t have an immediate social group to become a part of.
    Also, eating grape flavoured candy with chocolate is a horrible mixture. Gah, that’s dreadful.
    S at with Noah during lunch today, and I noticed he d idn’t actually have a lunch. O ffered to share some of my sandwich with him. (Irrelevant detail: It was turkey, cheddar, and lettuce on a bun) .
    G ave me this weird look, like it was a totally inconceivable concept to share food with other people. I hadn’t bitten off of it yet, so I cut it in half and gave him the bigger half, as apparently I was