In the Arms of a Soldier by Makenna Jameison Read Free Book Online Page A

a grown woman.  I knew exactly what was happening and wanted it just as much as you did.  And what did you mean when you said that you’ve always wanted me?  I’ve known you my entire life.  Why didn’t you ever say anything before?”
    Josh sighed , not seeming to want to broach the subject.  “This year, last year, I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter now.”
    “ So you wanted me then but don’t anymore?”
    “No, it’s just—”
    “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I repeated.
    “You were happy with Mike—for a long time anyway.  Then I was leaving, so it seemed pointless to bring it up.  You never even told me that you guys broke up.  I assumed you would end up marrying the guy.”
    “And you were just going to let that happen—never telling me the way you really felt.”
    “Maybe I should have; I don’t know.  But that has nothing to do with letting things get carried away between us earlier.  It never should have happened, simple as that.”
    Suddenly the distance between Josh and me on the sofa felt like it might as well have been miles rather than mere inches.  I’d already told Josh that I’d wanted this morning as much as he had, but he was still insisting that it was mistake.  Obviously he didn’t really feel the way that I did.  Caring about me at some point in our past, before he deployed to Afghanistan, didn’t mean he felt that way anymore.  Like we’d agreed, we both had changed.  “Fine,” I said angrily, standing up and letting the blanket fall to the ground.  “If you don’t want us to be together, then just say so.  I didn’t realize this morning was so terrible for you.”
    “Jess, that’s not what I meant,” he said, getting to his own feet a s I hurried down the hall.  Tears smarted my eyes, and whether Josh meant what he said or not, his rejection of our amazing morning together stung.  Maybe he really did feel guilty since we’d been friends for so long or he thought I didn’t know what I wanted.  Maybe he was just scared, but the last thing I wanted to hear right now was for the guy who’d just made love to me to say it had been one big mistake.
    Josh caught up to me as I reached the doorway to my bedroom and gently grabbed my arm, his warm hand burning into my skin with his touch.   “Jessica, that’s not what I meant,” he said softly, his voice deep.  “Of course I don’t regret being with you in that way—it was the best morning of my life.  I just want us to take things slowly.”
    I sighed, but couldn’t bring myself to look at him.  What guy in his right mind, who had already had sex with you, suddenly decided you needed to take things slowly?  I was pretty sure that was just guy speak for saying he’s not interested after all.  “Josh, it’s been a long day.  I just want to get some rest.”
    “Aren’t you even going to look at me?’
    I shook my head silently as a tear slipped down my cheek, and Josh turned me around so that I was facing him as I brushed it away.
    “God, Jess, please don’t cry.”
    I managed to look up at him and willed myself not to shed another tear.  “Let’s just talk about this tomorrow, okay?”
    His blue eyes filled with concern.  “I’m just messing this up more and more,” he muttered.
    I gently extracted myself from his gri p and stepped into my bedroom.
    “Jess, wait,” he said, reaching out toward me.
    “Goodnight,” I said sadly, closing the door as I stepped away from his grasp. How could a day that had started out so amazingly well have gone so horribly wrong?

Chapter 7
     
    I slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning more over my troubles with Josh than the nightmare that had woken me the night before.  At one point I thought I heard Josh up as well, pacing in the hallway, but then I realized he was probably more exhausted than I was and certainly fast asleep.  I wasn’t sure how things had quickly gone so wrong between us.  Josh’s feelings for me seemed to