in0 by Unknown Read Free Book Online Page A

that, a tiny yippy dog kept nipping around my ankles. The dog was also wearing a cornflower blue taffeta bubble dress, but it was cut a bit shorter than tea Summer Blowout
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    length—probably so the tiny yipper wouldn’t pee on it—and pinned in the back with a sparkly brooch.
    “Is this hotel pet friendly?” I asked. We’d never had dogs growing up, and I still hadn’t quite managed to grasp the point of them.
    “Stop being so high maintenance, Precious,” the bride said between bouts. “Next time I am so getting a Peekapoo.” Precious ignored her and kept nipping at the air around my ankles. The bride picked her up and threw her on one of the beds. No wonder the poor dog had no manners.
    The bride’s father had been pacing in the hallway when I’d stepped off the elevator and headed for the bridal suite. He was tall and old-fashioned-looking, with wavy gray hair slathered with hair pomade. He had the oddest accent, and he introduced himself as Mr. Something or Other without shaking my hand. Mario was right. It could have been either Psilocybin or Silly Siren. Or even Silver Sighting.
    Now he pushed the door to the bridal suite open. He averted his eyes, walked in far enough to hand the bride a cell phone, then turned around and walked back out again. This was probably a good thing, since two of the bridemaids were in the process of exchanging bras.
    “This is amazing,” one of them said. “Your B bra pushes up my C cleavage.”
    “And your C bra,” the other one said, “makes my A cleavage look like there’s something there.”
    I was about to call Maidenform to sign them up for a commercial, when the bride closed the cell phone. She really started dry heaving in earnest now. I was never going to get rid of this wedding party if I didn’t get her under control.
    “Go get some wine,” I whispered to the only bridesmaid left wearing her own bra. “Fast.”

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    C L A I R E C O O K
    Then I turned on the TV to the Food Network. Even the wild little kids and the tiny yippy dog settled down. We all sat there and watched for a few moments, and I tried to learn about blanching, which was something I’d never fully understood either.
    “That was John,” the bride said between heaves. “He’s the groom. He couldn’t get me on my cell. I must have left it on vibrate.”
    “Shh,” I said. “Wait.” Precious came over and yipped and circled a few times, then peed on the rug. I was right about the dress. It stayed dry as a bone.
    The wild little kids screamed. They ran over to take a closer look at the pee. Precious jumped back up on the bed without being thrown. The mother of the bride dropped a towel on top of the pee and stepped on it, which made the wild little kids scream some more.
    The bridesmaid returned from the bar with an open bottle of white wine. She poured a glass, and the bride gulped it down.
    “They have to go back to Braintree,” she said when she finished. “They got all the way back with the tuxes, and they forgot to give them any pants.”
    “Ooh,” I said. “I like it. A Risky Business kind of wedding.
    You know, tux jackets with the shirttails sticking out, and all those sexy male legs.”
    The bride started to giggle. I grabbed a hunk of hair and got going on the rest of her corkscrew curls with the curling iron
    “Maybe we could find them some kilts and a bagpipe,” the C
    cup bridesmaid said. The bridesmaid with the wine handed her the bottle, and she took a big slug and handed it back.
    “They’re going to stop by the walk-in clinic and get a throat culture while they’re up there. John thinks he might have strep throat.”

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    “He’s a total hypochondriac,” the A cup bridesmaid said.
    “Guess who’s having a baby?” the bridesmaid in her own bra said. “Allison and Mark.”
    “Are they back together?”
    “They were for one night. Don’t tell her I told you.” I got the last curl nailed down without any hitches. That wine was really