Innuendo by R.D. Zimmerman Read Free Book Online Page A

the corporate, and the organization had expanded and grown and moved here.
    Todd stopped at the first door and looked into a room that was furnished with two couches, a coffee table, and a couple of standing lamps, one of which now dimly burned. A counseling or conference room, Todd assumed. Jordy was in there, slumped on one of the couches, his long hair swept forward, his body trembling and shaking as he sobbed. He wore old black and white high-top tennis shoes, baggy jeans, and a ratty, old wool coat that he'd either gotten from his grandfather or the Goodwill, probably the latter.
    Todd glanced down the hall, saw the girl at the front desk staring after him, then knocked twice on the doorjamb and said, “Can I come in?”
    Jordy looked up, and though he'd perhaps reached his full height, his face was still that of a boy, the skin smooth and pure, untouched by either acne or, for that matter, much of a beard. His face was long and thin, his chin narrow, and his eyes—those red, red eyes—were small, etched on top with two heavy eyebrows, the most manly of his features. A kid, that was all he was, frightened and scared to hell. And now witnessing Jordy's grief, the raw pain that was flowing unrestricted out of his soul, Todd knew what this was all about. Not some little tale of intrigue, but the death of a friend. The loss of a loved one.
    Todd spotted a box of Kleenex on the coffee table, picked it up, and placed it on the couch next to Jordy. He then sat down opposite him.
    “I'm sorry.”
    Jordy caught himself, wiped his wet nose with the back of his hand, then tossed his hair back. “Is… is it really… really true? Did someone kill him? Kill Andrew?”
    “I'm afraid so.”
    “Oh, God!” He grabbed some tissues, blew his nose, started crying all over again. “Andrew wanted me to come over a couple of hours ago. I should've gone. I should've been there. Maybe he'd be okay. Maybe
    “It's not your fault.”
    “But…” He slammed a fist down on his knee. “Fuck!”
    Todd was at a loss. What was he supposed to do? Sit there at a distance and let this kid fall on his own, or take him into his arms and catch him? In a moment of panic, Todd realized he didn't know what to do, how to handle this, in large part because he'd never learned anything like this from his father, who'd been so physically reticent.
    Jordy shook his head, buried his face in his hands. “Andrew was just trying to get away from his family, just trying to start his own life, that's all! He just wanted to be himself, nothing more.” He stopped breathing for a minute, then blurted, “I hate this! I hate being fucking gay! Why? Why the fuck was I born queer? I didn't ask for this, I didn't!”
    He dissolved into a fresh round of tears, and Todd felt something in his heart begin to break. A young man tonight had been murdered, the truth of which might never be learned. It was a tragedy, no doubt, but it was the sight of a kid beating himself up with self-hatred that crushed Todd. Perhaps it was because this was simply too familiar, that Todd had been there, berated himself time and time again, and had for so long hated himself for his sexuality. It had taken almost all of his adult life to get past it, and even then just barely, and so seeing it now, seeing it so fresh in someone so young, was almost more than he could take. It was as if he was watching a movie of his own emotions. Was there nothing he could do, no way he could protect this kid, make him see the truth?
    He got up and crossed the room, sitting down next to Jordy and wrapping one arm over Jordy's shoulders. Just as quickly, Jordy elbowed Todd in the ribs and shoved him away.
    “Get away from me, you fucking queen! Get your fucking hands off me!” he shouted. “You guys—all you think about is sex! You're nothing but a bunch of old trolls!”
    It was like someone had slammed a board into Todd's gut. The color rapidly falling from his face, he jerked away his arm, pushed