Kissing Through a Pane of Glass by Peter Michael Rosenberg Read Free Book Online Page B

could barely stand the intensity of the feelings. For a moment I thought I might pass out.
     
    My God had kept his promise. I experienced euphoria - a sensation that I had not believed really existed - for the first time in my life. I burst into tears. Liana, her face flushed, her breathing heavy, whimpered like a child. We were saturated with sweat, exhausted beyond anything I had ever experienced. I could barely move; I felt empty, devoid of all energy and emotion. Everything that I was, everything that made me a person, an individual, a human being, had been channelled into a single act of lovemaking, and I almost wished that I might die, there and then, as I knew I had reached the pinnacle of human joy and pleasure, and that nothing could ever surpass it.
     
    A moment later I realised that I was still crying and suddenly became worried that Liana might mistake my tears of joy for sadness. In an effort to assure her that everything was okay - and as I withdrew from her - I brought my hand close to her face, intending to stroke her cheek.
     
    And that was when the bright shining beacon of my ecstasy was extinguished for ever like a spluttering candle flame in the rain. Liana saw my hand just inches from her cheek and flinched. Her expression turned to one of terror, a convulsion of fear and pain.
     
    ‘Don’t hit mel’ she screamed. ‘Please, Michael, don’t hit me!’
     

Chapter 11
     
    During the final chapters of my relationship with Joanne, when it came to making love, Jo expressed an increasing desire to be taken from behind. It was a position we both enjoyed, and I did not question either motive or reason. I found the sight of Jo’s rump, raised and inviting, extremely erotic. It was, in practical terms, a very comfortable position, as I could thrust more deeply into her this way. I never asked Jo why she found it so exciting; it didn’t seem to matter. Her response was sufficient testimony to her enjoyment.
     
    Until one day, when it dawned on me that perhaps Jo enjoyed sex a posteriori because it meant that she didn’t have to see my face, she didn’t have to look at me. In other words, she could imagine that it was someone else making love to her, not me at all.
     
    For a long time I dismissed these thoughts; Jo and I were in love, we were happy, we had a good, healthy sex life; why should she want to imagine someone else making love to her? After all, I never replaced Jo’s face or body with someone else’s, even when I closed my eyes. No, it could not be that. The reason for her enjoyment was simple; it was different, it made a change from the other positions.
     
    But why was it so exciting for her?
     
    Try as I might to ignore it, the thoughts began to play on my mind more and more. Jo was thinking of someone else; perhaps not a mythical figure at all, but someone she knew, someone from university. I found myself getting upset by this idea, then, slowly but surely, found distress turning to anger. If Jo suggested the “exciting” position (as she had begun to refer to it) when we went to bed, my hackles would rise. I would oblige, however, but my anger would manifest itself in the act of lovemaking. I would take her roughly, aggressively. I would thrust too hard, too fast, almost as if I wanted to hurt her.
     
    At first Jo seemed oblivious to this anger. In fact, if anything, she seemed to find it even more exciting, further confirming my theory that, with me acting out of character, she could imagine even more clearly that someone else was making it with her. The vicious circle enlarged. I began to behave in odd, unpleasant ways. I would make love to Jo in this fashion and, holding back my own climax, wait until she approached orgasm, then distract her with petty, unpleasant moves. I would pull her hair, pinch her breasts, scratch her thighs. It was despicable, and I hated myself for it. But I could not help myself.
     
    On the fourth occasion when I had used these distraction techniques,