Lacey Luzzi: Sprinkled: A humorous cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 1) by Gina LaManna Read Free Book Online Page A

as if I should know who the homeless man across from me was, or the bleached blond fifty-year-old woman next to him.
    “Hi,” I said. I did my best not to raise my eyebrows.
    “Heya, I’m a Butch. Dis is my lady friend here, Layla.” Butch gave a grin large enough to display his healthy set of missing teeth. If his teeth were bowling pins, I’d be scoring a pretty solid game.
    I nodded and looked helplessly at Nora.
    Butch spoke again, as if the reason I’d remained silent was because he hadn’t clarified enough.
    “She’s a flighh’ attendant ,” he emphasized, whistling his “T’s”. 
    “Wow. Great,” I said.
    “Butch is my brother,” Nora said, her smile suddenly falser than normal. “The one that’s lived in Hawaii for the past twenty years. He just moved back.”
    “OH! Butch,” I exclaimed, though I’d never seen him before in my life. “My bad. I was mixing you up with the other Butches I know.”
    “You know other Butches?” The rumbling voice belonged to my grandfather.
    Carlos appeared in the doorway, as intimidating a presence as always.
    “Plenty,” I mumbled, quickly wracking my mind. I knew a few Butchers , did that count?
    Carlos took a swig of the neon limoncello that was sitting in a vase on the table without breaking eye contact with me.
    Nora heaved plates of pasta onto the table and ladled sauce on top like a mini leaning tower of Pisa, and about just as edible.
    “I made this alcohol with my own bare hands,” said Carlos. “I’d make some for your wedding, if that were to ever happen.”
    Right, the wedding talk. In Sicily I’d be a barren old maid at twenty-eight. Fine, twenty-nine. Twenty-eight on my skinny days, which were rare.
    “I’m working on it.”
    He swigged the last of his limoncello.
    There was a silence as he stared pointedly at his empty cup. Nora rushed over and refilled the glass for him without a word.
    “Please,” I gave a half-hearted laugh as Nora retreated quietly. But the truth of the matter was that Nora loved Carlos dearly, and he her. The pair had the option of having servants wait on them hand and foot, but Nora wanted to live a ‘normal’ enough lifestyle, despite her husband’s less-than-normal profession. For her, cooking and bustling about for Carlos was the only way she knew to show her affection. She’d be damned if any of the help filled her husband’s glass at the dinner table.
    “What’s that?” he snarled.
    “Nothing, sorry. Nothing. Marriage – work in progress.”
    “Oh, give her a break, Carlos. She’ll have the special one in no time.” Nora winked at me, and visions of unibrows floated through my brain. My stomach roiled at the thought.
    “You wait long enough for the right one, and you’ll find a beauty, just like I did,” whistled Butch. Was he descended from a tea kettle? Honestly.
    I vomited a bit in my mouth as his lady friend slid her tongue between Butch’s toothless gums.
    “I’d be lucky,” I said, wrinkling my nose reflexively. It was like a terrible freeway wreck – I couldn’t quite look away.
    “Business,” said Carlos.
    “Eat first,” said Nora.
     

Chapter 7
    Carlos grumbled, but bowed his head as Nora struggled to remember the words to grace. I’d put money that she’d exceeded her three glass limit – having Butch in town would put a stressor on anyone.
    “So, your first assignment.” Carlos blinked at me. “It will be difficult and challenging. It’ll take significantly more effort than winning a Spelling Bee. You’ll need to be fully focused on the task at hand. Understand? Once you work for a bit and get on your feet, we’ll find you a nice man. Yes?”
    I nodded politely.
    “I like spelling, Lacey, dear. I’ve been playing Words With Friends on my iPad,” Nora chimed in. “Bill and Jean play as a team, the cheating cazzos . Will you play me?”
    “Love to,” I mumbled through a mouthful of soggy linguine, snorting at her mangled Italian word for ‘Dicks’ in