Lacy by Diana Palmer Read Free Book Online Page B

but it wouldn't do to let it show. Cole had said hands-off, and
he owed Cole too much to argue. Besides, he told himself, Katy was just a kid.
She'd get over him.
    "There was nothing to go back to," he
said. His eyes grew dull and sad as the memories came back. "Nothing at
all."
    "Don't you have family anywhere?" she
asked curiously.
    That shouldn't have set him off, but it did.
Sometimes Katy irritated him with her constant probing into his life. He didn't
like it. He didn't want her any closer than she was right now. In that, he and
Cole were almost too much alike. Okay. If she wanted the truth, she could have
it. He stared harshly down at her. "I had a wife. She died one winter,
while I was away selling cattle. She froze to death sitting up in a chair.
She'd gotten sick and couldn't build a fire. She was pregnant."
    Katy felt her body go rigid with the words. She
looked up into a face like stone.. .and suddenly understood so much. A wounded
man. A badly wounded man, heart dead, and he wanted no more of love or
commitment. And now it all made sense. The way he'd avoided her, the way he
went through women as if they were no more than toys with which to amuse
himself. Of course. There was safety in numbers. If he had a lot of women, he
didn't have to worry about the risk of involvement.
    Her face went white. She stared at him
helplessly, all her dreams dying slowly in the green eyes that went quietly
dead in her face.
    He saw that, and his conscience stung.
"Yes,"he said curtly. "Yes, I thought so. Bringing that Northern
hoodlum down here, running wild, all of that was because of me, wasn't it?
Because I wasn't dancing attendance on you!"
    It hurt to hear it put into words. It stung her
eyes and made them water.
    He saw the tears and felt vaguely guilty. She
was just a kid, after all. And even if he wanted her as much as she wanted him,
there was no way it could work. He wasn't sure he had anything to give. Like
Cole said, Katy was too vulnerable for a quick affair.
    "Katy, I'm sorry if that hurts. But, girl,
I've got nothing left to give," he said softly. "I don't want your
young heart, Katy. I can't give you mine. I lost mine when I lost Lorene. If it
weren't for Cole, I wouldn't even be alive. Don't you understand? I loved
her," he said roughly. "I can't ever love anyone else!"
    "I haven't asked you to love me! I don't
feel like that..." she burst out, hurt pride and frustrated passion making
her wild.
    "I'm not blind!" he tossed back, his
gray eyes stormy. "You've followed me around, sighed over me, made love to
me with your eyes for the past few months! You've done everything to make me
notice you except strip naked!"
    She drew back her hand and slapped him across
the cheek as hard as she could. Her face was wet, and she didn't even realize
that it was soaking with spilled tears. She sobbed as she looked at the redness
her fingers had made. "Damn you! Damn you! I don't care about you. I never
could!"
    "Oh, for God's sake "he growled. It
was all getting out of hand. He started to reach for her, to try and explain.
    But she shrugged off his hands and ran, blind,
uncertain of the direction she was taking. She ran past the corral where the
remuda was kept, through the spread of mesquite trees with their feathery,
thorned fronds blowing softly in the wind, down the trail into the hay barn.
Sobbing, she fought her way through the bales to a dark, quiet corner and lay
in the yellow, sweet-smelling hay, her body shaking from the force of her pain.
    Her heart had fed for years on the hope of
someday having Turk for her very own. She went to sleep dreaming of how it
would be if he kissed her, if he loved her. She planned a future that was based
on loving him, that included marriage and children. And now, none of it would
ever happen. He had nothing to give. She didn't know how she was going to stay
alive...
    Footsteps sounded behind her, but she wouldn't
look up. She knew she was in disgrace. Shame washed her in blushes.