Lapham Rising by Roger Rosenblatt Read Free Book Online Page A

to the bank.”
    “No, I can’t.”
    “The point is, you spend too much time alone. All these crazy thoughts of yours come from living by yourself.”
    “I simply prefer solitude.” Then, looking straight at him: “Though perhaps my life is not solitary enough .”
    “You can’t hurt me. I have God on my side.”
    “And if you want to know why I hate Lapham, it is precisely because he has attacked my solitude.”
    “‘I shall embrace mine enemy or I shall become mine enemy.’” He bites at the air.
    “He has attacked my world, my middle-class, out-of-the-way, nonglittery, nontoxic yet occasionally useful world.”
    “So? He has his philosophy, you have yours. It’s not personal.”
    “It’s always personal, Mr. Tail. No matter what anyone tells you, all enmity is personal. And as much as I detest the ideological, mythical, symbolical, allegorical, abstractical Laphamfor his grasping paws—you should pardon the expression—it is the noise he has brought into my head— my head, the head that belongs to me alone—that has shoved me over the edge. Look, do you think I would be preparing the Da Vinci, or even the Chautauqua lecture for that matter, were it not for Lapham? Do you?”
    Of course he doesn’t. I was a reasonably acceptable eccentric before Lapham banged into my life ten thrilling months ago. The essence of his crime against me is that he forced me to engage with the great wide world and, in so doing, to abandon my own. Worse, he forced me to do so voluntarily . Until he came into view and earshot, Noman was an independent country, existing modestly and decently apart from the great wide world of nations. Its insularity entailed the avoidance of alliances. It had an adequate if not a lavish economy, with a balanced budget and no national debt. It had its own customs, its own language, and its own rules and laws, which, though admittedly idiosyncratic, did not violate any international rules or laws. It had its own culture, such as it was, and its own animal life, such as he is.
    But it had no armaments. Noman did not have armaments. And now, thanks to Lapham, it has been reduced to acting as any country would act, or react. Thanks to Lapham, Noman has become a nation like any other, just as predictable and armed to the teeth. That is the injury the Laphams of thegreat wide world inflict, you see. They make others as common as themselves. They bring you low. People see the House of Lapham, and they want one for themselves. Gaah. People watch Lapham make a public spectacle of himself, and they want to do the same. Modesty obliterated. Decency kaput. He who is inspired by envy inspires envy in others. Amen. On his way up, Lapham brings others down. And even those who oppose him, as I am about to do, are brought down as well, through their instruments of opposition.
    “You make too much of Mr. Lapham,” says Hector. “All he is doing is building a big house. Let him alone, and we’ll be at peace again. Blessed are the peacemakers.” I’d love to choke him. He goes on, “I really don’t see what the big deal is. Isn’t Mr. Lapham doing what everyone is supposed to do? Making something of himself?”
    “He’s making too much of himself,” I tell him.
    “But what’s that to you?”
    “You don’t get this at all, do you? You think that Lapham’s construction is limited to Lapham, or even to me and Lapham. Let me give you a lesson in the ripple effect. Already Lapham has invaded my mind. He has invaded Dave’s mind, and Jack’s and José’s, and the minds of the Mexicans, even Kathy’s—though that would be more like Germany invading Austria. Soon his monstrous house will have invaded the minds of all those who look upon it, and who comment uponit, and who write it up as the place to be for extravagant parties where birdbrains divine one another’s chin tucks late into the night. The attendees at these parties will speak of them, and of Lapham, to others. His name will be synonymous