didn’t. I loved you!” She was crying, and she turned her back on me.
I was desperate to go to her, but I couldn’t. Her emotional state was too tenuous, and I knew there was still a lot of distrust beneath her anguish. “You weren’t to blame. You were the victim.”
Maura struggled to draw deep breaths as she bent over at the waist. Before long, she was crouching on the ground as her whole body trembled. “God, I can’t trust anyone or anything. I don’t know what to believe anymore. The people I think are trying to help me only hurt me. The ones I think I can trust betray me, and the guy I thought I hated is trying to help me, but is he or is he just trying to help himself?”
She sounded as though she was talking to herself, working through her feelings, so I offered nothing until she looked at me, her heartbreak streaking her face.
“I’m trying to help you first and foremost, but of course it’ll help me too if we find the person responsible for this.” I offered her my hand. “Do you feel like continuing with this, or have you had enough for tonight?”
“I have to continue.” She took my hand and stood. Rolling her shoulders back, she looked me in the eye before drawing a deep breath. “I can’t rest until I know for sure.”
“Okay.” I led her to the table, righted her chair, and held it out for her.
She swiped her hands across her face. “What else do you need to know?”
“You said you weren’t sure where he took you?”
“No. Of course, I found out where after the fact.”
“Right.” I knew exactly where he’d taken her. I’d often woke up in a cold sweat imagining her lying there in the tall grass, bleeding, crying, and pleading for her life. “Can you tell me what happened inside the van? Not about the rape necessarily, unless you think there’s something about that I need to know?” I hated asking her to relive that. I didn’t know if I had the intestinal fortitude to stomach it when she was sitting across from me, looking so broken and alone.
“God, I’m sorry,” she said, standing. “I just need a minute alone. Please.”
I watched her walk down the path to the pool. The lights illuminating the path showed me she was crying. I watched her sit on a lounger, her head falling into her hands as her shoulders shook. Pain ripped through me, fiercer than anything I’d felt before. I watched her trying so hard to be strong, and I fell in love with her all over again. She’d been my world once, and I wanted her to be again, but that wouldn’t be possible unless I could rebuild the trust I’d shattered with lies and deception. It didn’t matter that I’d lied to her to protect myself. I should have put her first, made her safety my top priority.
She looked at me and lifted a hand to beckon me closer. I got up without hesitation, grateful to close the distance between us.
Standing above her with my hands on my hips, I asked, “What do you need, angel? How can I help?”
“Can you…” She swallowed hard, as though it were difficult for her body to obey her brain’s simple commands. “Just sit here with me? Can we talk about something else for a bit?”
“Of course.” I was hesitant. I was always so commanding, so hell-bent on being in control in every situation, and hesitancy was a new and unwelcome feeling. “Where would you like me to sit?”
She patted the free space behind her. “Right here.”
It was a little thing, but if she was inviting the contact, the close proximity, it meant she was letting go of her fear. She believed I wasn’t a threat, at least to her personal safety. That didn’t mean she was willing to trust me again, but it was a start.
I slid in behind her, careful to leave enough distance so that she could decide how close she was willing to get. I closed my eyes when, after a moment’s hesitation, she sank into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder.
“Remember when we used to sit here like