Lean Mean Thirteen by Janet Evanovich Read Free Book Online Page B

got a case."
    "Maybe we should go to lunch," I said to Lula. "Take your mind off the squirrel."
    "I could use some lunch."
    "Do you have any money?"
    "No," Lula said. "Do you?"
    "No."
    "There's only one thing to do then. Senior buffet."
    Ten minutes later, I pulled into the Costco parking lot.
    "Where we gonna start?" Lula wanted to know, taking a shopping cart.
    "I like to start in produce and then go to the deli and then frozen." Costco is the all-American free lunch. If you can't afford to buy food, you can buy a minimum membership at Costco and get freebies from the give-away ladies. You just have to kick your way through the seniors who stand ten deep around them.
    "Look over there," Lula said. "They got a give-away lady frying up them little bitty sausages. I love those little sausages."
    We had some apple slices dipped in caramel, some carrots and raw broccoli dipped in ranch dressing, some goat cheese, some frozen pizza pieces, some tofu stir-fry, some brownie pieces from the bakery, and some of the sausages. We did a test-drive on Guatemalan coffee and sparkling apple cider. We used the ladies' room, and we left.
    "Whoever invented Costco knew what they were doing," Lula said. "I don't know what I'd do without my Costco membership. Sometimes, I even buy shit there. Costco's got everything. You can buy a casket at Costco."
    We got into the Vic, and I drove us back to Coglin's house. I idled at the curb for a couple minutes, watching to see if anything was going on, then I motored around the block and took the alley that led to Coglin's backyard. No car in his parking place, so I parked there.
    "Gonna see if he's hiding in a closet?" Lula asked.
    "Yep."
    I knocked on Coglin s back door and yelled, "Bond enforcement!" No answer.
    I opened the door and yelled again. Still no answer. I stepped into the kitchen and looked around. It was just as we'd left it over an hour ago, except for the opossum on the kitchen table. The opossum looked like a balloon with feet. And it smelled worse than squirrel. A lot worse.
    "Whoa," Lula said. "He wasn't kidding about this sucker defrosting."
    "Maybe we should put it in the freezer for him."
    Lula had her scarf over her nose. "I'm not touching it. Bad enough I got squirrel on me. I don't need no 'possum cooties. Anyways, it's not gonna fit in his freezer with the way it's all swelled up."
    "Coglin isn't here," I said to Lula. "He would have done something with this animal if he'd returned."
    "Fuckin' A," Lula said. "I'm outta here."
    I parked in front of the office, behind Lula's Firebird, and Lula and I got out of the Vic and gaped at the telephone pole at the corner. It was plastered with posters of me. It was a candid photo, and the caption read wanted

FOR MURDER.

"What the heck?" I said. My first reaction was panic deep in my chest. The police were looking for me. That only lasted a moment. This wasn't any sort of official "wanted" poster. This was made on someone's home scanner and printer. I tore the posters off the pole and looked down the street. I could see posters on a pole half a block away.
    "There's posters all over the place," Lula said. "They're stuck to store windows, and they're stuck on parked cars." She unlocked her Firebird. "I'm going home. I gotta get this squirrel funk off me."
    I went into the office and showed Connie the posters.
    "It's Joyce," Connie said. "I saw her putting them up, but I didn't realize what they were."
    "They're probably all over town. I should probably ride around and take them down, but I have better things to do with my time… like find out who killed Dickie."
    "Anything I can do to help?"
    "Yes. I need a background search. Joyce says he's worth lots of money." Connie punched his name into one of the search programs and the screen filled with information. "He leased a $, Audi a year ago. His house is appraised at $,. And it's mortgaged to the rafters. No litigation pending against him. Nothing derogatory in his file. He's part owner of