Let’s Get It On! by Big John McCarthy, Bas Rutten Loretta Hunt, Bas Rutten Read Free Book Online Page A

belonged to clubs that had table tennis and pellet pistol shooting and was always trying to figure out what activities he could beat me in. These clubs definitely weren’t the types of places you’d find me in on my own, but it made him happy, so I went along.
    I always thought Ted should have been a politician. The man loves to talk and meet people. If it’s a homeless guy on the street, Ted will strike up a conversation like that guy’s the most interesting person in the world.
    Ted’s gift for the gab got us all into some sticky situations, and sometimes I had to jump in and get us out of them. One time, Elaine and I went on vacation with Ted and Lynn to Cabo San Lucas. Ted struck up a conversation with a little Norwegian man sitting at a nearby table during breakfast, and before we knew it, we were all on a boat with this perfect stranger heading off for a day of diving.
    The boat driver dropped us off on a shore about twenty-five feet long and ten feet deep. While the Norwegian and Ted prepped the diving equipment, Elaine and I swam. Then I noticed a boat hauling ass in our direction. Once it got close enough, I could see the Federales symbol on its side. I left Elaine in the water and started swimming for shore.
    It was as if we were in a scene of a Chuck Norris movie. Two of the four uniformed men, one of them toting an AR15, jumped out of the boat, grabbed the Norwegian guy, and proceeded to kick the shit out of him. Ted started yelling at me to help the guy, but I glanced at the officer holding the AR15, then at Ted as if to say, “Are you fucking kidding me?” then back at the Federales, who dragged the Norwegian man onto their boat and split his chin on the rail.
    It turns out our friendly tour guide had been warned numerous times not to poach business from the local dive shops.
    Diplomat Ted tried to tell the Federales they didn’t need to use so much force on our Norwegian guide, but I told him to can it and tried instead to negotiate our trip back to shore. The head Federale said another boat would be by shortly to pick us up, revved his engine, and sped away with his men just as quickly as he’d arrived.
    There we were on a shore that was about to go bye-bye with the tide coming in.
    Minutes, then hours passed with nary a boat in sight. Ted kept talking, trying to minimize his involvement in marooning us in the middle of Cabo San Lucas Bay.
    Meanwhile, it was obvious to me that we’d soon be climbing the rocks. I said good-bye to Elaine, put on some fins, dove into the water, and started swimming in the direction of the harbor. About an hour of swimming later, I made it to the marina.
    By the time I returned to Marooned Island on a rented boat, Elaine and her family were huddled on the rocks like a pack of pelicans. Ted tried to sputter out his reasons why he shouldn’t be blamed for all this, but the last thing I remember was telling him to just shut up and sit down.

    My fishing improved over the years: a dorado (mahi-mahi) I caught in Mexico
     
    I know everybody has crazy stories about their in-laws, and I have a ton I could tell you about Ted that still make me chuckle. Unfortunately, Elaine never really got along with her dad, so I felt like I was always trapped between them trying to keep the peace. Based on my own experiences, especially my own relationship with my dad, I valued family greatly and always felt she should try to work things out with her own dad.
    I figured he loved her and Elaine just didn’t understand him. I always encouraged her to talk to him, but it would take me years to understand her point of view. I learned later that just because someone is family doesn’t mean you have to love them, like them, or even put up with them. Some relationships work, and some don’t.
     
    Whoever came up with that “for better or for worse” phrase was a freaking genius. When Elaine met me, I was living on the edge. Some days I think back and wonder why she wasn’t scared off