Little Fish by Kari Ware Read Free Book Online Page B

nerves settle a little bit. "Win, I wanted to talk about us. I've had these goddamn feelings for you for years and every time I see you smile or laugh I have to fight with myself to not do stupid shit like I did the other night."
    "Yeah, that was really... awkward." Much like this conversation, I ruefully recognized. Wisps of hair flew across my face from the ocean breeze, no matter how many times I tried to tuck them behind my ears. Calder shifted slightly, wrapping his arms around his knees and leaning his chin on his left kneecap.
    "You still think of me as your big brother, don't you?" His voice as hollow, like it was a question he really didn't want to be asking me. I shuffled my feet in the sand, feeling them grow colder and colder the further down I buried them. The moon was bright and full and made Calder's eyes look solidly black, making it more difficult for me to look into them and try not reading them.
    "I did, up until you kissed me. Then that brother thing kind of went out the window." I tried to laugh a little, to try and make things less uncomfortable, but failed miserably. "But I feel like when I think about you years from now, when I have a husband and kids of my own, I'll look back and tell them you were my big brother. And maybe, if you'll grant me as much after tonight, they'll call you Uncle Calder when you visit us."
    He nodded slowly, registering what I was telling him with silent resolve. I could never see myself in a relationship with Calder because I already loved him, but in a familial way that I couldn't ever put ignore of try to masquerade as anything different. It hurt me to hurt him, my heartbeat throbbing through my entire body while I waited anxiously for him to say something.
    "I'd like that, Win. I really would... but I think I need to be away from you for a while. Just to finally wrap my thick skull around this," he resumed running his hand through his hair like the normal Calder would, and such a simple gesture strangely filled me with relief that things would eventually be back to normal with us. If I had simply run away, I would have lost one of the most important people in my life. In a lot of ways, I considered him more of a family member than I did my own mother, as I had begun to realize since that night I accidentally walked into Showponies.
    "What about Anna?" I asked, thinking about one of the other most important people in my present life.
    "I'll talk to her in the morning, don't worry. What are you gonna do about Alex?"
    "Already left him a message. Though I'm pretty sure he's not gonna call me back."
    "Hey, Alex, it's Winnie. I didn't think you'd answer since you clearly have just as much difficulty talking to your wife, so this is just fine. I guess this is partly my fault for thinking that having sex with you would empower me or something equally idealistic, but you used me and lied to me and that's totally on you to live with. I just wanted you to know that as much as I believe you really had feelings for me, even just a little bit, you're a fucking loser, and you and your wife completely deserve each other. And, by the way, I don't think the Senator's gonna enjoy reading my concerned citizen's letter about how easily people are breaking into his place. Have a good life, Alex."
    I snapped the SD card in half, fearing my fingertips would bruise beneath the pressure. I peered out my apartment door, checking to make sure Anna didn't happen to be in the hallway while I exited, and headed down the hallway after locking my door behind me. I unlocked my mailbox and placed the envelope inside, and I couldn't stop grinning as I locked it back up. I felt so much more empowered than having sex with Alex ever could have made me feel. With a little more bounce in my step, I headed out of the building and towards the dumpsters around back. I tossed one piece of the broken SD card into the opening of the first dumpster, following suit with the other half into the second dumpster. I rubbed