Little White Lies by Paul Watkins Read Free Book Online

know what you mean,” she exclaims. “What an awful thing to say. Poor Phil probably doesn’t know whether he has a job or not.”
    I figure I’d better jump in before things get out of hand and she has me feeling bad about the ‘terrible fix’ I’m in. Although, I must admit, ‘poor Phil’, does have a nice ring to it. It’s probably the kind of thing that works better when a beautiful woman says it. Coming from my accountant it wouldn’t sound so good.
    “It’s okay, Mrs. Jackson,” I interrupt with the biggest smile I can muster for this joyous occasion. “The terms of my employment are very fair. In my view, all employees are on probation anyway. After all, if I don’t do a good job, then I should be fired. In any event, I’m comfortable with the way things are. I’m sure everything will work out.”
    Sheri listens to my little philosophical speech and nods her agreement in a rather uncertain fashion as I conclude. Then she gives A.J. a stern look and says, “I still think some things are better left unsaid.”
    Looking at the slightly chastened A.J., I think it would be good politics to get him off the hook as well. After all, I want my first day to start on a good note and I don’t need a pissed-off husband/boss on my hands.
    “That’s just part of his charm, ma’am…”
    “Ma’am!” Sheri shrieks. “What do you mean, ma’am? I’m not a ma’am. I’m too young to be a ma’am. You can’t call me ma’am!” She places Shana on the floor and her hands go to her hips as she stamps her foot for emphasis.
    So much for good intentions. Now the ball is in A.J.’s court and he’s laughing so hard he has to lean against the doorjamb for support. He pushes away and reaches out for Shana.
    “Come here, Chubbs,” he says, ever the helpmate. “Your mother is going to need her hands free to hit him.”
    Shana’s wobbling like a little drunk in a high wind, intent on keeping her balance in the verbal storm that surrounds her.
    What a prick. I give him a quiet look of desperation, hoping he might bring this to a gentle conclusion, but the look on his face tells me it’s a lost cause. He enjoys this shit. Now it’s every man for himself. It’s a well-known syndrome in law enforcement circles that the most dangerous assignments involve domestic disputes. The contestants can fight among themselves, but woe be unto him who intervenes, even with the best of intentions. That person often finds himself the common enemy of both participants… which is where I seem to be headed at the moment.
    “I would hope you would assist me in this, sir,” I offer, “given our earlier agreement.”
    Turning to Sheri, I continue, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Jackson, I did not mean to upset you. I will not call you ma’am in the future, if that is your wish.”
    Sheri’s response is a demure smile. However, A.J. practically jumps across the room, much to Shana’s delight. She lets out a tiny shriek, as she seems to enjoy all the bouncing and loud talk. I feel like I’m in some sort of cartoon. Usually this is the point where an eighteen-wheeler comes crashing in, or a building falls on one of the participants. Why do I feel like I have a target painted on my back?
    “Hey, wait a minute!” he yells. “You can’t do that. If you’re going to call me, sir, then you have to call her, ma’am. That’s only fair. Come on, Phil, this is bull.”
    “Bull!” Sheri cuts in. “I’ll give you bull! That was a terrible thing to do, letting me talk to Phil that way when it was all your idea.”
    I sense this is as good a time as any for me to go about my duties. When in doubt, move on out!
    “If you will excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Jackson, I have work to attend to. Very nice to see you both.”
    Exit stage left.
    Crossing the large kitchen, A.J. calls after me. “Wait a minute, Phil, goddammit! This is all mixed up.” Then in a softer voice I hear him plead, “Honest, Sheri, I didn’t have anything to do with this. I