Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story by E. McNew Read Free Book Online Page A

appointment to have an abortion, she seemed relieved. She did not seem to care much about the fact that it was on her birthday. She even said that she would give me a ride to Reno where the abortion was to be performed. After talking with me about my options and having some time to realize that I was truly pregnant, I think she just wanted this problem to go away. She was going through the stages of grief: shock, denial, bargaining and anger. I was eagerly awaiting the acceptance stage. I knew that I would have to be very patient.
    What my mother did not know was that I had only scheduled this appointment to get everyone off my back. There would be nothing left for anyone to say if they thought that I had accepted the decision to terminate the pregnancy. What could they say? “Congratulations” or “I’m sorry.” I was outsmarting them. I was way ahead of the game, and for a moment, I felt a small twinge of control again.
    Over the next few weeks I was able to live in peace without any harassment. The few days before my appointment arrived, I felt the tension arising once again. The day before, my mother confirmed that she was giving me a ride to the clinic in Reno the next morning. I just couldn’t beat around the bush any longer. “I am not having an abortion, and no one is going to change my mind. I will never be able to live with the fact that I took an innocent life, and I would rather choose adoption if it comes down to it. I would be reminded of the fact that I KILLED my baby every year, for every birthday you have,” I boldly told her from the door of my bedroom.
    The screaming match began. She had prepared herself to get rid of the dilemma and forget about it, she did not expect that this “dilemma” would be permanent and not go away so easily. “When my baby is older I will tell it that you wanted me to kill it!” I angrily yelled at her. “Good! You’re an idiot,” she screamed back. “You have no idea what you are getting yourself into!” The yelling back and forth lasted about ten minutes before it was over. Neither of us heard much of what the other was saying. My ears were ringing. Not too long down the road, my mother apologized sincerely for things that were said. I ended up apologizing back. I have learned that it is never wise to make any statements based on emotion. You only end up hurting the people you care about, and even worse, yourself.
    I was sad, but I was also relieved to know that my decision was strong, firm, grounded, and exposed. I was sad because I knew that my family was disappointed in me for the decision I had made. At least now, life could carry on without questions up in the air. I did not even bother calling to cancel my appointment.
    I thought that the clinic deserved to lose money from my no-show. I thought it was an evil place that killed innocent beings on a daily basis. For all I cared, the entire building could burn.
     

Chapter 5
    Finally having made the clear decision that I was going to have the baby, it was time to decide how I would finish school. I received a phone call one Friday afternoon from a woman with a very friendly and cheery voice. I had no idea why this woman asked for me. I was so down in the dumps that others who seemed extra happy just pissed me off. I wanted to be happy too. I wanted to be excited and brag about my future baby. The excitement went out the window entirely when I realized that because of my age, I would not have support from my community for this pregnancy. It was shameful in their eyes. I desperately needed an adult to as least act like they cared.
    “Hi Elizabeth, this is Mrs. Snow! I am calling to find out if I can work with you to help you finish your high school education. I understand that you want to do independent study for your pregnancy, but we have a really great program here. It is called the Young Parents Program, or YPP. You’ll come in for half of the day, we’ll feed you breakfast and lunch, and we have a