Lost Boi by Sassafras Lowrey Read Free Book Online Page B

but for us. My stomach somersaulted as I watched her puddle onto the floor. Wendi’d presented her right arm to me, but now, as she thrashed on the dirty floor amidst feathers and bird droppings, bottle caps and crumbs, the sleeve of her pink hoodie was pushed up on her left arm, and I saw the thin band of dark green leather. It was more delicate than the one I wore, but instantly I recognized the cuff. The other bois, who moments earlier had been egging me on, also saw and turned, teeth bared, circling me.
    â€œHow could you have done this?” Curly said, turning away from me and sitting on the floor next to Wendi. The Twins too were shaken, which translated to anger.
    â€œI bet Pan was bringing us a Mommy!” said one Twin.
    â€œShe would have taken care of us, mended the holes in our knees, tucked us in!” said the second.
    â€œNow you’ve ruined her!” the first one cried. A Mommy was something Pan had talked of, but always in abstract ways. I thought this Mommy business was just a story he and I would jerk off to. He’d told us that the Mommy he would find for us would be strict. She’d make us scrub behind our ears and wash our mouths out with soap when we were disrespectful. Domestic discipline wasn’t something I’d ever given much thought to, but Pan had, and he sold us all on the magic of a Mommy’s touch. Still, I never thought he’d send us one as a surprise.
    Seeing the cuff changed everything. I was dizzy with the idea of how stupid I’d been not to look at her wrist before things got so out of control. Another boi in my position might have blamed Siren, but I just couldn’t bring myself to hate her. It was my choice. Pan teaches us to be responsible for our actions. I started to cry and was too upset to care that everyone could see. Finally, I wiped my snotty face on my sleeve and whispered, “I used to dream of pretty femmes, that someday one would come to be our Mommy. In my dreams, I would fall to my knees and say, ‘Mommy, please, please have this boi.’ It was always such a beautiful dream, and she would take my face in her hands and smile. But now, when my Mommy finally came to Neverland, I shot her.”
    I couldn’t believe I’d let the bois see me act so weak. Irushed into our sleeping quarters. When Pan was away, I’d always been unofficially second-in-command. How could I have let him down like this? I found my messenger bag and threw some clothes into it. Siren came to check on me. As much as I wanted to be alone, there was something about Siren; she didn’t want me to top her, and she didn’t especially want to top me. I could be weak in front of Siren in a way I couldn’t with the other bois, but it still scared me to let her see me like that. Siren started to kiss me, and I kissed her back because I didn’t know what else to do. My tongue was coated with her sticky cherry lip gloss, and she tasted like cigarettes. I didn’t want to kiss her, not now, not like this, but I didn’t want to stop either. What I really wanted was for Pan to take me down, to make it all right, to punish and absolve me, to change what I’d done. Siren knew I was lost, and not just in a lost boi sort of way.
    She told me that I could come back to the Lagoon for the night. I was shocked. It’s against the Mermaids’ house rules to bring someone home without consulting each other. “Sometimes, rules are made to be broken.” Siren’s words hung in the air around us.
    I left Siren there and walked back into Neverland’s main room, where Wendi still lay on the floor, surrounded by the bois. I started toward the windows when the bois tried to stop me, saying how much they didn’t want me to go. Curly stood there looking like he might start to cry, and my first instinct was to comfort him, to make a plan, but I couldn’tdo anything but run. It wasn’t just that I was terrified of