surely break one of these days.
“Are you almost ready?” Mom pushed my half-closed door open.
“Just changing now.”
She enters my room, causing my stomach to cramp. “Why didn’t anyone come tonight, Charlotte?”
I pin it on myself. “I just didn’t want to make a big deal of it is all.”
She surveys me, trying to get inside of my brain. I’ve built up defenses against her though. I know how to play the open book while keeping everything close to the vest. I’ve trained my entire life for her inquisitions.
“I thought Tucker might come?”
Do you know what’s worse than having the boy you secretly love use you and then ignore you? Hearing from your mother how great she thinks he is. And how you should really try to “get back together” with him.
In a moment of weakness, I’d told her about the kiss at camp. She’s been holding it over me for almost two years, trying to convince me to basically slut myself out to get my clutches into the most popular guy in school. As if he didn’t cut my heart in half with a rusty blade.
Real healthy, right? Encouraging your daughter to change everything about herself for a boy.
No wonder I’m so messed up.
“I’ll be down in a few minutes, Mom. Just have to change.”
Thankfully, she gets the hint and leaves. I only take one minute to let a few of the unshed tears out I’ve been holding all day.
Because for some stupid, little girl, fantasy reason … I thought Tucker might come too. That today would be the day he discovered his feelings for me and came rushing to tell me.
Happy birthday to me.
12
Tucker
T here is this sensation that overwhelms your body when you wake up next to someone.
Obviously the greatness of that sensation varies depending on your relationship with the person. But even if it’s just a one night stand, a messy fuck and a morning after, there are still those couple of seconds when you come back to reality and out of the land of dreams. Unadulterated bliss simply at the comfort of touching another human being. For those couple of seconds there is no loneliness in the entire world, there is serenity and peace, the kind that can only come when you’re not quite sleeping but not quite awake.
That is why, when I wake tangled up in Charlotte, that I think I must still be dreaming. The smell of her hair, the softness of her skin, the way her lips move marginally when she lets out a deep breath … this must be the things of my fantasy. Because surely she can’t be here.
It’s why I move my head, my whole body aching in the process, to plant a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Don’t hurt me!”
Faster than the speed of light, she jumps up, hands at the ready like she’s going to go a couple rounds in the ring.
“Jesus, Char, calm the fuck down!” I’m shocked to find it wasn’t a dream, but also a little embarrassed. It’s weird, and the creepiness that I’m kissing the woman I’ve kidnapped isn’t lost on me.
She lets her guard down, her breaths coming out in labored puffs. We stare at each other in awkward silence for a few moments.
“How do you feel?” She’s now avoiding my eye contact.
I push up from the stingy mattresses on the floor, wondering how the hell we both got down here.
“I’m feeling a lot better actually,” I twist my neck, rotate my shoulders and stretch my body. “Still achy, but better. Uh … thanks, for uh … seeing that I didn’t die.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’m going to go make something to eat.” She doesn’t ask if I want to come, just stands in the doorway to the cabin.
“I’m going to stay here. I couldn’t eat anything if I tried.”
Char doesn’t stay to talk more, just leaves.
What do we do now? I haven’t thought about how much trouble I’m in or who might be looking for us up until now. Detoxing has been at the forefront of my brain, body and just about everything else.
But what the fuck am I going to do? Even if I give Char the keys and tell her to go,