Love Found in California (The Washington Triplets) by Melissa Rolka Read Free Book Online Page A

several more scoops. Delicious. Then I open the larger container and see a Caesar salad, anchovies and all. Oh how Ryan knows me so well, even in the short amount of time we’ve been together, he gets it right almost every time.
    As I alternate between scooping the soup and taking a bite of the salad, I decide to text Ryan. He’s done everything to make sure this day back at work is as easy on me as possible.
    Mikaela: It’s delicious
    Unable to keep my fingers attached to my phone I go in for another bite of the salad, making sure to sneak in some anchovy. Ping.
    Ryan: I didn’t want you skipping lunch. Glad you like
    Mikaela: You’ve made this day perfect
    Ryan: You deserve all of it and more. Did you call the therapist?
    I take a bite, then another, then a few more as I stare at the screen of my phone on my desk. Stalling a bit more, I decide to finish my whole meal. And then just to stall even longer, I decide to check through my work emails and respond to all of them.
    Damn it. It’s not that I thought Ryan would forget or that I even wanted to forget, but I just can’t imagine telling him everything. The what if’s begin to invade my mind and then feelings of anger rise in me … Not at Ryan, not even at myself, but at the one person who always makes me the most angry. The situation with my sisters and Dad never reach this level or intensity, but still there is displeasure. The red I’m familiar with coats my insides like liquid fury. Shakily I run my hands through my long dark hair and grit my teeth together. Iciness streams through, the blue that always comes next and my breathing becomes erratic. Damn it. God damn it. Fuck. If I could have my way, that’s what I’d yell out.
    Forcefully, I make a fist and instead of hitting my desk I push it up to my mouth and bite down hard. After pain floods through me, my breathing calms and I release my bite. At the same time tears fill my eyes and I hear my door opening. Ryan purposefully makes his way to me and then grabs me up out of my chair, wrapping his arms around me.
    Heaving in and out, almost hyperventilating I try to hold in any gasps. For a second I swear I feel purple invading me, but then I tune into the arms that hold me, the way his fingers stroke my back providing me with calmness. This isn’t the first or the last time Ryan’s seen me like this, but now I have to try to find a way to face my past with him.
    “I’ve got you. Remember we are in this together.” Ryan’s lips smooth across my cheek and then whisper in my ear, “Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere.”
    My breathing slows and my body relaxes while supported in his arms, against his chest. Sounding like a sullen teenager I mumble, “I’m sorry. I wish it would all go away.” Ryan doesn’t ask about what I wish would go away, but just comforts me, like always. And to my surprise it works, he comforts me, makes me feel stronger, more ready to confront my past and learn to trust again.
    “I’ll call. I’ll set it all up, love.”

WE HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR just over a week when my first anxiety attack, or maybe it was a panic attack, hit me. I couldn’t be sure what it was and didn’t really care. The feeling of suffocation curled around my lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter. Just a moment ago I had been lying on my stomach on our beach blanket in the sand, mindlessly thumbing through an entertainment magazine. Ryan was gently running his fingers across my arm. He was always touching me in some subtle way as if to let me know he was here and I was his.
    Now I was sitting up barely able to get in my next breath, red and blue running through me, purple on the edge of its entrance into my body. Ryan stayed steady and solid though. He came closer to me and I didn’t push him away, like I would any others who tried in the past.
    “What is it, Mik?” he asked softly. My response was an uncontrollable sob. His arms tightening around me didn’t cause me fear and it shocked me.