Love Him to Death by Tanya Landman Read Free Book Online Page A

her list and more. She nodded to the musicians and they struck up “ All Time and For Ever” , another of Bill’s famous songs. Without another glance at her soon-to-be mother-in-law she was off, me and Graham skipping half-heartedly down the aisle behind her.
    The chapel was mercifully cool and dark but it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the gloom. I bumped into a couple of guests as I twirled, and Graham caught one man across the face with his bow, but no one seemed bothered. All eyes were on Josie as she glided like a ship in full sail towards Bill, who I have to say looked like he was wearing his mum’s nightie.
    I took Josie’s bouquet as she joined Bill at the altar, and Graham and I melted away to our allotted places in the front row. The ceremony went smoothly. Bill was as delighted by the whole thing as Josie – when he said his vows he sounded incredulous and looked at his bride as though he couldn’t believe his luck. Josie spoke clearly, never breaking eye contact with Bill, adoration rolling off her in waves and washing down the aisle until everyone was caught up in this great, romantic piece of theatre. Everyone but Tessa, that is. She seemed to have a bad case of indigestion.
    When the priest pronounced Bill and Josie man and wife there was a resounding cheer inside the chapel. People were clapping and grinning and dabbing corners of eyes with tissues.
    But I felt distinctly uncomfortable. I’d noticed that when Josie had uttered the words “Until death do us part” her lips had curled as if, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t suppress a self-satisfied smirk. And at that moment a shaft of sunlight had glinted off one of her incisors.
    For a second the innocent, fresh-faced Josie had looked at her husband with all the carnivorous relish of a very hungry vampire.

natural causes
    Once all the formal stuff was over, the musicians struck up again and Graham and I skipped back down the aisle to open the chapel door for the happy couple. It should have been an easy enough task, but when I turned the iron handle and pushed, it wouldn’t budge.
    The chapel was tiny and Bill and Josie were approaching rapidly. Again I turned the handle, put my shoulder to the door and shoved. Nothing doing.
    “Hurry up!” hissed Graham.
    “It won’t move!” I complained. “You have a go.”
    Graham grabbed the handle. It turned smoothly enough, but when he pushed, it was as though there was some kind of obstruction on the other side. Graham looked at me and I looked at Graham. Suddenly I had visions of Angelica barring the door. What if she was about to hurl a petrol bomb through? We’d be burned alive!
    Bill and Josie were only a couple of metres away now, and Tessa was sending us one of her furious glares from the front of the chapel. If we didn’t get the door open – and fast – we’d be dead meat. Hurling ourselves at it, we both pushed with all our might. It budged just a few centimetres, but it was enough to see what – or rather who – was causing the obstruction.
    Through the slit we could see Bill’s mother lying on the ground. Her eyes were staring unblinkingly back at us and she was strangely twisted, as though she’d been wracked by violent spasms. The contents of her handbag were strewn across the ground like she’d been searching increasingly frantically for her tablets.
    And hurtling down the path – running away from the chapel as if her life depended on it – was Angelica.
    For the second time in less than twenty-four hours Bill carried an unconscious woman into the villa – only this time she wasn’t apparently lifeless, she was actually dead.
    Ruby had succumbed to a massive heart attack. While Bill had been exchanging vows with Josie, his mother had been exchanging life for death.
    According to Doctor Psychondakis, it was an unfortunate accident. The old woman had absent-mindedly left her medication in her bedroom. If she’d had her tablets with her, she’d still be