Love Is Louder by Antoinette Candela, Paige Maroney Read Free Book Online Page B

and my brown hair? Would we have a boy or girl first? I’ve already picked out the names if it were to ever happen for us. Tate for a boy and Tessa for a girl.
    I sigh, shoving back the lump slowly rising in my throat. I’ve had moments where I’ve had to run out of the studio during shoots and lock myself in the bathroom so no one would see the tears clouding my eyes behind the lens. I’m strong on the outside. Well, I try to be, but when I see pictures like this with innocent, curious eyes staring back at me, I cannot help but wonder. I want to be a mother. I want to be given that chance.
    I sort through my proofs before I file them away in the bottom right-hand drawer of my desk when my phone jostles me back. I look up at the clock and realize twenty minutes have passed. I retrieve my phone from my purse and smile when I see Ava’s name displayed on the screen. She always calls right before five to get together for our yoga class, but tonight I’m going to have to take a rain check.
    “Hello.”
    “Hey, you. What are your plans tonight?”
    “Hey, James and I are supposed to go out for dinner to celebrate our four year wedding anniversary.”
    “Oh, wow. He wants to do dinner and actually spend time with you?”
    “Yes. This is good …”
    “I hope so,” she says with a hint of doubt in her voice.
    I take a deep breath. She knows my troubles and the issue James and I are going through. I want my husband. I want the marriage I envisioned when we got married. Perhaps he didn’t realize what a big responsibility it was taking the district attorney’s position. Did he really think this through? He really didn’t have to take it. He already had a great position right out of law school working for one of the top law firms in New York City.
    “I don’t want to waste any time doubting us anymore. I just need to know if he wants this marriage as much as I do, and tonight is a step in the right direction.”
    And hopefully over time, he will change his mind about having kids.
    Before she can rebut or possibly give me words of encouragement, which I find slim to none, the line beeps with an incoming call. My heart jackhammers when I see James’ image flash on the screen.
    “Hey, it’s James.” A faint breath escapes my lips as my stomach clenches.
    “Oh,” she replies in a flat, lifeless tone.
    In the past, Ava would tell me to say hi to James, but that stopped once things between James and me slowly went downhill. It hurts me in a small way that my husband and my close friend don’t get along anymore.
    “Can I call you tomorrow?”
    “Sure.” She hesitates and sucks in a breath. “I hope you have a nice time tonight.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You deserve it,” she says before we hang up.
    A tingling sensation runs through me as I click over to the other line.
    Will he pull a last-minute cancellation, telling me that he has a meeting, or will he keep our date?
    This is not a regular dinner date. This means something; at least, it means something to me. James is…well, James. I can’t make him feel or think or believe what I believe. I have to deal with it. Compromise. Suffer? Our marriage is like a frozen lake. Some parts can handle the weight, and others can’t, and you don’t know until you take that step and hear the ice splintering under your feet. You can’t move; you can only hope that someone is there to save you.
    “Hey, hon,”
    “Hey, baby. Are you ready for tonight?” Even though things have been unsettled between us, the sound of his voice still makes me smile.
    “Yes, where are we going?”
    “It’s a surprise. Just be ready by seven and wear black. You know how I love you in black.”
    “I already planned on it.” My stomach flutters, feeling the same attraction and anticipation when we first met in college. He’s really trying for us.
    “Good. You always remember. I love that about you.” His voice caresses me, sending a trail of goose bumps down my body. I wish he were here