Love Made Me Do It by Tamekia Nicole Read Free Book Online Page A

love you too, but I can’t come back until I’m better.” “I won’t come back until I know that other people can’t easily control my emotions.” Then in a half whisper I said, “I don’t want to go.” Either he didn’t hear me or didn’t care.
    Then as quickly as the emotions came, they left. We had come to the end of the road.  The end of the craziness, he couldn’t go any further into the airport with me. One last hug, one last kiss and one last I love you. As I re-tell this story, my eyes tear up thinking about what could have been and why it wasn’t.
    I swear to God I wanted things to be different between us.  I wish that I would have had the wisdom then that I do in life now.  The end result may have been different.  As I walked with my carry on, I really thought he would come running thru the airport screaming my name.  Begging me not to leave, but that never happened.  Instead I stood in a trance hypnotized by my own fantasy.
    Forcing myself to move forward, I boarded the plane.  Walked all the way to the back, and sat by the window. I cried until we took off. I was scared.  My heart was shattered and my faith had been crushed.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 5
    ARIZONA
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    I nodded off and when I woke up I was in Arizona. I was so slow getting off the plane.  So slow, that the attendants asked me if I needed to be escorted in a wheelchair. This was harder than I imagined.
    I shook that feeling off and put a little pep in my step and a smile on my face.  I was ready to greet my family. It was so heartwarming to receive such love from my aunt, cousins, and uncle. I hadn’t seen them in a very long time.  On the ride down the unfamiliar freeway, I cried silently.  I honestly didn’t know what I was doing. It felt like I was acting like I had my life together.  Like I had all the answers, but God knows that the truth.  I could barely function.
    My heart was so hurt, and so broken. I needed the quickest remedy to mend it. I was going to be living in a house with my uncle, my aunt and my four little cousins. I would have to suck up my emotions or else I would be answering a lot of questions from impressionable minds.  They went to church at least three times a week.  I would be expected to do the same. It’s not something I really was in the mood to do.  But I knew that nothing else had worked so let me try and reconnect with Jesus. Can’t go wrong with Jesus right?
    That first night in a new house was eerie.  It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just unfamiliar. I called my lover as soon as I was settled. HIs roommate answered the phone. He said that since my lover came back from the airport he was locked up in his room.  “Well knock on his door and let him know that I am on the phone, please.” My lover picked up the adjacent phone.  “Hi baby” and I cried back “Hi baby!”
    I think that was one of the very first times he called me baby. I sat in my new room at the edge of my bed listening to his voice.  He asked me, how my plane ride was. “Bumpy, I cried myself to sleep”  “Then I woke up in Arizona.”  He told me that everything would be ok. “Do you still love me?” I replied “I will never stop, not even death could keep me from it,” he sighed… then I sighed. “I love you too”
    Drifting in, and out of sleep, I had strange dreams.  It was dreams of my lover and her.  The frail ex that loved him just as much as I did. I woke up in a cold sweat. Out of habit, when I saw that it was 6am, I picked up the phone and called my lover.  Even though I was in another state it was imperative to keep our connection, if we were going to survive this separation.
    The phone rang and rang and then rang once more…. When it was answered there were two voices that I heard on the receiving end. One voice was his roommate. The other voice was hers.  Damn!  Why in the fuck was I so naïve?  Why was