Love on the Road 2015 by Sam Tranum Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Sam Tranum
college.
‘Madre, we’re hungry,’ Laurie called up the stairs. ‘When’s dinner?’
Finally. Saved.
‘I’ll be right down, honey.’
I headed toward the doorway. Before I could ask if she wanted rice or noodles with her chicken, Richard jumped in front of me.
‘Madre and I aren’t finished with our conference, Baby Girl. You and CK can get a snack.’
‘I don’t want a snack, I want dinner,’ Chloe Kate whined up the stairs. Her intolerance for delayed gratification was legendary.
‘Do what I said. Madre will come down when she’s ready.’ Richard enunciated each word.
Silence downstairs. Even Chloe Kate knew better than to try again. I sank back.
He planted his feet in opposite corners of our bedroom door and reached to the upper corners with his hands.
He was an X. A fill-in-the-box next to your selection X.
I watched him and, for a crazy moment, wanted to believe he was stretching.
‘I’d like to finish this conversation later, after dinner,’ I said, as if I were asking a friend to call me back later. Because I was busy. No big deal. Nice and easy. I moved toward him and judged the space between his elbow and his knee.
‘No, Cara, I want to finish now. I’m not really hungry yet. You’re not, either.’
If I bent down and hunched my shoulders, I could just squeeze through because of how his right hip was canted.
I made my move.
My head grazed his forearm.
I was in trouble.
‘You shouldn’t hit me like that, Cara.’
He dropped both arms, grabbed my neck and shouldersand pushed. Hard. I missed the foot of our sleigh bed. Just. I watched myself fall and land on the thick plush of a rose-and-lily-bouquet rug we bought together in Manhattan. Madison Avenue. Aubusson, I think. On my way down, the flowers looked so silky I almost didn’t think to break my fall, and then I was surprised at the abrasions on my elbows.
There was more. I felt other hands. On me. On my neck. Around my waist.
Boy-man hands.
I was above the caldera, and if I didn’t scream for help with all my might, the wind would lift me and carry me over the edge, like a bird without wings, and I wouldn’t wake up because this was not one of those dreams.
My bedroom, my house, my world filled with a terrible sound. It was coming from me. Five minutes … fifteen … sixty. I didn’t know how long. I heard a keening harmony from downstairs. I stopped. Richard was standing over me.
‘You’re scaring the girls. I didn’t push you that hard. Stop screaming. You sound like a banshee yodeller.’
I stopped. His face was a mask, stretched and discoloured like something spoiled, waiting to be thrown away. He ran down the stairs, and I heard murmuring, comforting sounds breaking through the miasma that was my daughters’ fear. I pulled myself up, like a dog, on all fours, panting. If I could make it downstairs, they would see I was all right. With legs that felt as if at any moment they would return to dog position, I let myself circle, slide and slip down my winding staircase, where a lucky girl could have floated in her wedding gown toward her waiting Prince Charming.
Richard was standing, hugging and comforting Laurie and Chloe Kate, telling them I was fine.
‘I need to apologise. I want to apologise,’ he said. He reached out to include me in his circle of love. Chloe Kate and Laurie looked at me sideways, to see how fine I was. I was so stunned at the impending apology – Richard never apologised to me – that I gave my daughters a nod of confirmation.
‘Girls, I’m so sorry Madre and I scared you. Madre didn’t mean to scream so loud. We were having a disagreement, that’s all. Everything’s going to be all right. You know how much we love you.’
He stopped talking, and tears – real tears – puddled, spilled and left glistening tracks down his grey, drawn cheeks. I didn’t know why he was crying. Laurie and Chloe Kate were probably crying from relief. My eyes were dry.
*
I am ashamed that my
‘Madre, we’re hungry,’ Laurie called up the stairs. ‘When’s dinner?’
Finally. Saved.
‘I’ll be right down, honey.’
I headed toward the doorway. Before I could ask if she wanted rice or noodles with her chicken, Richard jumped in front of me.
‘Madre and I aren’t finished with our conference, Baby Girl. You and CK can get a snack.’
‘I don’t want a snack, I want dinner,’ Chloe Kate whined up the stairs. Her intolerance for delayed gratification was legendary.
‘Do what I said. Madre will come down when she’s ready.’ Richard enunciated each word.
Silence downstairs. Even Chloe Kate knew better than to try again. I sank back.
He planted his feet in opposite corners of our bedroom door and reached to the upper corners with his hands.
He was an X. A fill-in-the-box next to your selection X.
I watched him and, for a crazy moment, wanted to believe he was stretching.
‘I’d like to finish this conversation later, after dinner,’ I said, as if I were asking a friend to call me back later. Because I was busy. No big deal. Nice and easy. I moved toward him and judged the space between his elbow and his knee.
‘No, Cara, I want to finish now. I’m not really hungry yet. You’re not, either.’
If I bent down and hunched my shoulders, I could just squeeze through because of how his right hip was canted.
I made my move.
My head grazed his forearm.
I was in trouble.
‘You shouldn’t hit me like that, Cara.’
He dropped both arms, grabbed my neck and shouldersand pushed. Hard. I missed the foot of our sleigh bed. Just. I watched myself fall and land on the thick plush of a rose-and-lily-bouquet rug we bought together in Manhattan. Madison Avenue. Aubusson, I think. On my way down, the flowers looked so silky I almost didn’t think to break my fall, and then I was surprised at the abrasions on my elbows.
There was more. I felt other hands. On me. On my neck. Around my waist.
Boy-man hands.
I was above the caldera, and if I didn’t scream for help with all my might, the wind would lift me and carry me over the edge, like a bird without wings, and I wouldn’t wake up because this was not one of those dreams.
My bedroom, my house, my world filled with a terrible sound. It was coming from me. Five minutes … fifteen … sixty. I didn’t know how long. I heard a keening harmony from downstairs. I stopped. Richard was standing over me.
‘You’re scaring the girls. I didn’t push you that hard. Stop screaming. You sound like a banshee yodeller.’
I stopped. His face was a mask, stretched and discoloured like something spoiled, waiting to be thrown away. He ran down the stairs, and I heard murmuring, comforting sounds breaking through the miasma that was my daughters’ fear. I pulled myself up, like a dog, on all fours, panting. If I could make it downstairs, they would see I was all right. With legs that felt as if at any moment they would return to dog position, I let myself circle, slide and slip down my winding staircase, where a lucky girl could have floated in her wedding gown toward her waiting Prince Charming.
Richard was standing, hugging and comforting Laurie and Chloe Kate, telling them I was fine.
‘I need to apologise. I want to apologise,’ he said. He reached out to include me in his circle of love. Chloe Kate and Laurie looked at me sideways, to see how fine I was. I was so stunned at the impending apology – Richard never apologised to me – that I gave my daughters a nod of confirmation.
‘Girls, I’m so sorry Madre and I scared you. Madre didn’t mean to scream so loud. We were having a disagreement, that’s all. Everything’s going to be all right. You know how much we love you.’
He stopped talking, and tears – real tears – puddled, spilled and left glistening tracks down his grey, drawn cheeks. I didn’t know why he was crying. Laurie and Chloe Kate were probably crying from relief. My eyes were dry.
*
I am ashamed that my