the books, dear. I know her name because she had me sign her copy of Love From Both Sides yesterday.'
My irrational jealous is immediately quelled. Kathy has gone from being a potential love rival who needs her eyes clawing out, to a valuable fan who I love and adore, all in the space of one short explanatory sentence.
In the lift, my nerves take hold again. People are going to laugh at me. They may even point when my back is turned. From now on I shall be known as Laura 'Pacman' Newman, the yellow faced maniac who writes romantic comedies with her long suffering alcoholic husband.
'Seriously Jamie, I don't think I can do this. It's going to be far too embarrassing!'
'You'll be okay,' he disagrees. 'We'll both be okay.'
'Both? '
'Well, yeah. I am feeling pretty rough, sweetheart.'
'Don't you dare try to compare my yellowness with your self-inflicted hangover, Jamie Newman,' I chide, and squeeze his hand tightly. 'Oh, think of something to get us out of this! I can't do it!'
But it's too late. The lift is slowing, and any second now the doors will go ping.
Jamie looks at me for a moment, then his eyes widen. 'I've thought of something!'
Oh God, no. Oh no, no, no, no.
When Jamie Newman 'thinks of something' it's usually time to batten down the hatches and prepare for the worst.
'Jamie, I don't think you can do anyth - '
Ping!
Too late!
The lift door opens on a cool, brightly lit marble floored corridor. Off to the left is a large glass door with Watermill Publishing's logo etched into it. Next to the door is a standee of the cover for Love Under Different Skies. Beyond both is a throng of smartly dressed people, all awaiting our arrival. My stress levels rocket.
'Stay here for a moment,' Jamie tells me.
'Why?'
He waves a hand at me as he leaves the lift. 'Just stay here. Trust me!'
My knobbly knees start to quiver. It's bad enough when Jamie says he has an idea, the fact that he's now expecting me to trust him as well is a sure fire sign that my life is about to take a turn for the idiotic.
I stand still in the lift for a good minute or so, willing my knees to stop knocking, and my face to stop being so yellow. Neither prayer is successful.
Suddenly, the brightly lit corridor beyond the lift dims slightly, in a very eerie fashion. I breathe a sigh of relief. Satan has obviously decided to come and claim me as one of his own, saving me the yellow faced humiliation I am about to endure.
It's not Beelzebub who enters the lift though, it's my smug looking husband. Mind you, there's every chance that if Lucifer did decide to pay me a visit, there would certainly be no more terrifying a visage to use than Jamie Newman looking smug and self satisfied.
I am in a lot of trouble.
'Right! I've sorted it,' he says with a grin, and goes to take my hand. 'Come on, everything's fine.'
I refuse the proffered hand and narrow my eyes. 'What have you done, Jamie? Why have the lights gone down?'
The smug grin increases in smugness by three hundred and twenty eight percent. 'Photophobia.'
'What?'
' Photophobia . That's what you've got.'
'Have I?' I reply in complete confusion.
'Yeah! It's when you're sensitive to light. I just told everyone that you're suffering with it at the moment, and asked that the lights be lowered so it doesn't hurt you. I figured that in the low light, no-one will be able to see that your face is yellow, and even if they do spot it, they'll put it down to light sensitivity.'
I stand there for a moment digesting this.
I am completely dumbfounded.
It's brilliant .
My husband has actually come up with a fantastic and plausible way to hide my yellow face, without causing me embarrassment or personal injury.
This must be some kind of miracle.
I look at the roof of the lift, expecting choirs of heavenly angels to descend any second now to serenade us both.
'You're surprised, aren't you?' Jamie says knowingly.
'Hmmm?' I say in wonder.
'You're amazed that I've come up with such a good
Gary Pullin Liisa Ladouceur
The Broken Wheel (v3.1)[htm]