Luck of the Bodkins by P. G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online Page A

Paris and told her about what you said. About how you weren't going to touch the proposition. She said, "Oh, he won't, won't he?" - you know that way of Grayce's when she draws back her upper lip so that the teeth show, and sort of sinks her voice to a whisper -'
    'Don't!' begged Mr Llewellyn. 'Yes, I know it.'
    'Well that's how she acted when she sat down to write this letter. She said she was going to put the whole scheme in simple language so that you couldn't possibly go wrong on that hat trick, and after that she would use up the rest of the ink-well explaining what would happen if you didn't come through. It's all down there. You'd best read it.'
    Mr Llewellyn took the bulky envelope from her and opened it. As he perused its contents by the light of the library window, his lower jaw drifted slowly from its moorings, so that by the time he had finished his second chin had become wedged into the one beneath it. It was plain that no calmer thoughts had intervened to cause his wife to soften the tenor of her remarks. She had written precisely as she had said she would write.
    'Yes,' he murmured at length.
    He tore the letter into small fragments and dropped them overboard. 'Yes,' he said again. "Myes.' 'I guess,' he said, 'I'll go and mull this over. ’ 'Do. Give it a good think.' ‘ I will,' said Mr Llewellyn.
    Pensively, he made his way to the library. It was empty except for a young man who sat with bowed head in one of the corners, his eyes fixed on a sheet of note-paper. Mr Llewellyn welcomed this solitude. Sitting down, he inserted a cigar in his mouth and gave himself up to thought.
    That way of Grayce's...
    She had drawn back her uppe r lip so that the teeth showed.
    Yes, yes, how often he had seen her do that, and how often, seeing her, had he felt that unpleasant sinking feeling which he was experiencing now.
    Could he ignore that look?
    Gosh!
    But the alternative? Once more, Gosh!
    The trouble was that, having other and more immediately urgent matters constantly occupying his mind, he knew so little of the pains and penalties attaching to this smuggling business ...
    At this moment, the purser came in and started to hurry across the room. Just the man Mr Llewellyn wanted. 'Hey,' he called. 'Got a minute?'
    Pursers at the beginning of a voyage never really have a minute, but the speaker was a passenger of more than ordinary importance, so this one stopped.
    'Something I can do for you, Mr Llewellyn?'
    'Just like a word with you, if you're not too busy. ’
    'Certainly. Nothing wrong, I hope?'
    Mr Llewellyn nearly laughed mirthlessly at this. It was as if somebody had asked the same question of a man on the rack.
    'No, no. It's just that I'd like your advice about something. Seems to me you'd be the man to know. It's about smuggling stuff through the Customs. Not that I'm planning to do it myself, y'understand. No, sir! I'd be a swell chump to try that game, ha, ha!'
    'Ha, ha,' echoed the purser dutifully, for he had been specially notified by the London office to do all that lay in his power to make the other's voyage pleasant.
    'No, it simply struck me, mulling things over, that it ought to be one could get a good picture out of this smuggling racket, and I want to have the details right. Listen. What happens to a guy that's caught trying to ease stuff through the New York Customs?'
    The purser chuckled.
    'The answer to that, Mr Llewellyn, can be given in one wora. Plenty!' 'Plenty? ’
    'Plenty,' said the purser, chuckling again. He had a Very rich, jovial chuckle, not unlike the sound of whisky glug-glugging into a glass. It was a sound which Mr Llewellyn, as a rule, liked, but it froze him now with a nameless dread.
    There was a pause.
    'Well, what?' said Mr Llewellyn at length, in a thin voice.
    The purser had become interested. He was a man who enjoyed instructing the ignorant. He forgot that he was busy.
    'Well,' he said, 'suppose this fellow in your picture was caught trying to run through something