Maid of Secrets by Jennifer McGowan Read Free Book Online Page A

case.
    But what should I care? They’d done nothing to help me, either.
    Other than Anna, of course, who’d tried to help me with naming herbs, and who would gladly teach me to read, if only I could admit more fully that I needed help . . . . And Jane, whose words before she’d bludgeoned me had at least given me hope . . . . And Sophia, who’d truly seemed distraught even as she’d identified me to the Queen’s guard.
    Of course, Beatrice deserved my harsh words without sanction. But then, Beatrice cared even less for me than I did for her.
    The Queen’s next words jolted me back to attention. “And you, Meg? Do you know your greatest skill?”
    I opened my mouth to speak, but the Queen raised her hand, effectively silencing me.
    “No.” She shook her head. “We cannot assess ourselves as easily as we might think, so I will tell you the answer. Your best skill is not your thieving, though you consider it so, or even your stealth. It’s your ability to play whatever role you must, for however long you must, to live a life of secrets and lies.” She grimaced. “I know that skill very well. It serves me more faithfully with each passing year.”
    Then she flicked a sharp glance at me. “But unlike me, Meg, you have not learned to master those roles and rise above them. To know that they are roles alone. Your flaw is that you have spent so long being who you are not that you have no idea who you are.” She shook her head, her judgment swift and complete. “And until you do know who you really are, you will always be someone else’s servant.”
    That isn’t true! The words sprang hotly to my lips, but I knew better than to give them voice. I know myself, of course I know myself. I am seventeen years old. How could I not know myself? You are completely wrong, I wanted to say, right to her face. Completely.
    “Thank you, Your Grace,” I said instead, my voice as flat as the Thames in full summer. “I will think carefully on your words.”
    She nodded, taking my agreement as her due. “Now,” she said, glancing back to where Cecil stood in the middle of the Privy Garden. “We do not have much time, so I will be plain. Sir William believes I am telling you about your assignment for this evening, and to give truth to that lie, here it is: Tonight we will dine in the Presence Chamber,and a ball shall follow to honor our guests. There will be a new young courtier with the Spanish delegation, whose conversation we wish to know. Rafe Luis Medina, the Count de Martine. I am told he is attending as a nobleman and a flatterer, but I suspect he is something more—possibly an agent of King Philip, possibly an agent of the pope. He will be dining with Ambassador de Feria as they prepare for the rest of the Spanish delegation to arrive. You are to listen to their conversation and report it.”
    She stretched out her fingers then, studying them with impressive interest. “You have been chosen for this assignment because with your acting skills, you can comport yourself like an established lady of the court, yet you are unknown to the delegation.” Now she flipped her hands over and regarded her palms. “Further, if Cecil is to be credited, your recall is exact, even if you don’t understand at all what you are hearing. Is this so?”
    Cecil! Annoyance rippled through me as I recalled all those days of translations, the endless books and languages. The old goat had known all along, and had still made me stumble through the lessons until I’d relied on my memory to save me. He’d been testing me from the first moment.
    The Queen was waiting for a response, and I nodded hastily. “Of course, Your Gra—ma’am,” I said, remembering the next stage of honorifics in a conversation as long as ours.
    She smiled faintly, and while I was certain she had to be bored with her hands by now, she continued to observe them with great solemnity. “Good. But now I will give you a second order to follow, one that is between us