Man Up! by Ross Mathews Read Free Book Online Page A

Lachey because he’s dating Jessica Simpson. I love them! Cutest couple of all time! They’re gonna be together forever and ever and ever!”
    I was so screwed. I mean, even if I did get a job after graduation, what kind of job would help me get any closer to becoming a talk show host? If I was ever going to give it a real shot, I knew this was the time for me to do it. But I also knew that opportunity wasn’t just going to knock on my door. Or was it?
    A few days later, my friend Melanie dropped by my dorm room to catch up on what we had each done during our summer breaks. I went first, regaling her with wild stories about my time spent up in Washington State staying at my parents’ house. Pretty riveting stuff. Then it was her turn.
    “Oh, I just…” Melanie really took her time, drawing out her story for dramatic effect “…you know, interned at The Tonight Show with Jay Leno .”
    I almost slapped her in her pretty little face right then and there.
    “ You what?!? How? Why? What was it like? Did you meet him? Holy crap!”
    “Yeah,” she continued, “I met him and he was really nice. My dad knows someone who knew someone who knew someone who got me an interview.”
    Trying desperately to play it cool, I asked, “They wouldn’t be hiring new interns, would they?”
    Melanie encouraged me, “You should totally do it! I’ll give you the number of the woman who hires interns. Just don’t tell her you got it from me.”
    I clutched the contact info Melanie gave me in my pocket for the rest of the day, folding it over and over again as I planned what to say when I finally made the call. It all turned out to be astonishingly easy, though. I just said, “Hello. My name is Ross and I’d like to be an intern.”
    They must have been hard up for free labor, because I had an interview the very next day.
    OMG, right? This was officially my first big Hollywood meeting, so it was imperative that I looked flawlessly put together. But since I only had ten dollars to my name, it was time for me to get creative.
    I had two things to do: First, swing by 7-Eleven to grab a Super Big Gulp Diet Coke. Keeping my energy up was essential. Next, I had to take a trip to the local thrift store. Thrift stores are amazing ! I love the thrill of the hunt, so imagine my delight when I found a charmingly retro olive green suit in my exact size! Sure the sleeves were too short, there was a hole in the crotch and, judging by the smell, it had belonged to a person who must have hoarded cats. But it also boasted something I couldn’t resist—a $7 price tag. And if you’re doing the math, after the Big Gulp and the suit, I was left with about $1.50—just enough for three hard-shelled tacos at Taco Bell (the normal tacos, not the fancy Supreme ones with a generous squirt of sour cream—I’ll never understand why they’re double the price for just a dollop of Daisy).
    I showed up at NBC for my interview the next day having studied for hours and hours the previous night. No, I didn’t research the history of The Tonight Show or Jay Leno. Instead, I spent those hours rehearsing how to sit down in my suit while hiding the unfortunate hole in the crotch of my new (well, new to me) discount trousers. My dreams were at stake here, people, and I wasn’t about to let a fashion faux pas be my fatal flaw.
    I made a mental note to always cross my legs the “lady way” (knee on knee) and not the “macho way” (ankle on knee). To help rehearse for my big Tonight Show interview, I enlisted my roommate Ryan to be on crotch patrol—an act of true friendship—diligently watching me sit, cross, uncross, and stand over and over again while keeping his eagle eye squarely between my legs. It occurs to me now that the whole issue could’ve been solved with a simple sewing kit, but sadly, the gift of Project Runway had not yet been given to the world, and I knew no better.
    I put a ton of thought and energy into my fancy Hollywood business attire,