Matt & Zoe by Charles Sheehan-Miles Read Free Book Online Page A

admission procedure so I can start college this semester. I don’t know if it’s going to happen, but either way I’ll either be working full time or going to school soon. I can’t afford to take care of this place, to take care of my sister and the horses and everything else. The life insurance will pay off the house, but there won’t be much left after that—maybe enough for a year. A cold pit of anxiety runs through me as I approach the stable.
    Jasmine sits on the top rail of Mono’s stall. His gigantic head is in her lap, his tail swishing about.
    “Hey,” I say.
    Jasmine leans closer to the horse. She has a look of intense concentration on her face. Her hands move carefully, taking long strands of hair on the back of his neck and deftly braiding them together.
    “He loves you,” I say.
    She doesn’t respond. I’m not equipped for this. I stand helplessly, overcome with a surge of grief. Why didn’t Mom and Dad make any provisions for this? I’m not cut out to be somebody’s mother.
    “I miss them too, you know.” The words come out of me, even though I know it’s the wrong thing to say. “I loved them.”
    She looks up at me for the first time. Her face is streaked with tears. “All you did was yell at Mommy.”
    I wince. Her words are correct. My last leave, a two-week visit, was punctuated by half-a-dozen skirmishes between me and Mom. It was always the same thing. When was I going to stop playing soldier? When was I going to come home and go to college? Didn’t I know the Army was dangerous?
    That was a laugh. Didn’t I know it was dangerous? Who had she thought she was talking to? I was there.
    I blink, once, twice, then several times, because my vision is blurring. The last thing I’d said face to face to my mother had been … cold. Not hateful, but angry. I’d just finished loading my duffle bag in the back of Dad’s Austin Healy so we could ride to the airport. I don’t normally take it out in the snow, he’d said. But this time I’ll make an exception.
    Mom had hugged me, but I hadn’t responded well. Then she looked me in the eye and said, “You know I just want you to have a good life, Zoe.”
    “I do have a good life,” I said. Then I got in the car.
    I didn’t tell my mother I loved her. Now I’ll never get the chance..
    What should I say to Jasmine? How could she understand? I don’t even understand. I say, “That’s true. Mom and I fought a lot. I still loved her.”
    She turns away, back to her task.
    My shoulders sag. I need to talk to someone. A professional, or… or a mother. Because I don’t know how to help her through this. I don’t even know how to help me through this.
    I blink back tears again and say, “I want you in by full dark, Jasmine. Okay?”
    She shrugs.
    “I mean it.”
    Jasmine lets out a sigh and says, “Okay. I’ll come in when it’s dark.”
    I stumble back toward the house.
    Inside, Nicole has already cleaned up the table, except for Jasmine’s plate with its cold vegetables, and she’s hand washing the dishes. “Thanks,” I whisper.
    “Is she okay?”
    I shake my head. “No. I don’t know what to do.” After a few silent breaths, I tell her about the visit I’d received earlier in the day.
    “The court’s appointed someone called a guardian ad litem … she came out today. Wanted to see the place, and interview me.”
    “For the guardianship hearing?”
    “Yeah,” I say.
    “You don’t have anything to worry about.”
    “I know… but… I worry anyway.”
    Nicole looks out the window toward the stable.
    “She’s braiding Mono’s hair,” I say.
    Nicole shrugs. “Maybe that’s what she needs right now. But… Zoe? Can I suggest something without you getting mad?”
    I raise my eyebrows.
    “I think you should consider a therapist. Not just for Jasmine. For you.”
    “What… I don’t need—”
    The house phone rings, interrupting me. I stand there, mouth open, for just a moment. The phone rings again, a harsh