Meeting Destiny by Nancy Straight Read Free Book Online Page B

was comfortable, but I didn’t tell him to stop. It began to be difficult to breath, but I didn’t tell him to let go. After a few minutes, I could feel that his emotional implosion had run its course. He took a few deep breaths and rotated his head so he was able to look at me.
     
    My arms were still loosely around him and my fingertips gently caressed his neck. I felt the need to comfort him, to tell him I was fine. I wished we could go back to normal – closest of friends. Every other girl I knew would kill to have Seth’s heart. I willed myself to smile, but inside I knew the truth: I would never feel the draw to Seth that I had felt for an almost perfect stranger - Max.
     
    Sharing this epiphany with Seth would shatter him. After all the things he had confessed and the emotion he was unable to keep to himself, I worried that our effortless friendship would have to grow into something more or disappear entirely.
     
    Finally he broke the silence, “Lauren, what are you feeling?” It seemed an odd question. Since obviously I had pain medication coursing through my veins, what was he expecting me to say? I hoped he was asking about the feeling in my leg, the pressure on my diaphragm from his head, or the maze of tubes protruding from both arms. He repeated his question, “I really want to know, what are you feeling?”
     
    “ Well, the nurses are keeping me pretty well drugged. I can feel a pressure sensation on my leg, but I wouldn’t say it’s even remotely close to pain. More like when someone kicks you in the shin one day and the next day when you are walking you can feel a tightness at that spot, but not exactly pain. I’m just anxious to get up and walk around.” I saw his wounded expression and knew my answer was way off the mark.
     
    “ No” I heard a bit of shakiness in his voice, “I was asking about how are you feeling… about me. I’m not stupid, I know you’ve never felt…but I need to know if you feel anything.” He held his finger to my lips just briefly so he could continue without an interruption from me. “Lauren, my whole life, from the time I knew what a friend was, you were mine. Over the years you have grown from my closest friend to my entire life. When I got the call Thursday, I nearly ran two cars off the road to get to the hospital to be with you. I was in the waiting room when a nurse told us they had to restart your heart. I realized in that moment that all those years I had just assumed you knew how I felt, how deeply a part of me you were, but I had never told you. I never made you listen. I’m not as articulate as I’d like to be, and I can’t make myself sound like some romance novel, but I’ve done everything I can think of, and I feel like maybe you still don’t feel the same, maybe you will never feel the same.”
     
    He looked away from me briefly, as if the wall behind me was somehow interesting. I was speechless. “Lauren, if you don’t feel the same, I’m okay with that. I just need to know how you feel. I love you enough for both of us, but I just need you to tell me how you feel about me.”
     
    My eyes were completely clouded over; I tried to speak but nothing came out. I used a dry patch of my blanket to wipe the moisture from my cheeks and take a deep breath. The silence seemed to last forever, while the monitors slowly hummed along and the beeps from my heart monitor beeped along without a change. Seth hugged my body hard again, and I could tell he had interpreted my silence correctly. He knew I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
     
    I used all the strength in my arm to lift his chin so he was forced to look at me. “Seth, please look at me.” My voice was quiet, patient. He rotated his head, and I could feel his body tense as if he were bracing for the worst possible response.
     
    “ I love you, I always have. Until today, I didn’t know how deeply you cared. I guess I thought you considered me closer to your sister than your….” I