Men and Cartoons by Jonathan Lethem Read Free Book Online Page B

her tongue. I pulled on the can. And she pulled. We both pulled harder.
    “Gimme,” I said. I let go of the can and tickled her. “Gimme gimme gimme.”
    She grimaced and twisted away from me. “Not funny,” she said.
    “The police don't have their SPRAY!” I said, and kept tickling her.
    “Not funny not funny.” Slapping my hands away, she stood up.
    “Okay. You're right, it's not funny. Put it on the table.”
    “Let's return it like you said.”
    “I'm too tired. Let's just hide it. We can return it tomorrow.”
    “Okay, I'll hide it. Cover your eyes.”
    “Not hide-and-seek. We have to agree on a place. A locked place.”
    “What's the big deal? Let's just leave it on the table.” She put it on the table, beside the salmon-colored glowing box. “Maybe somebody will break in and take it. Maybe the police will break in.”
    “You're a little mixed up, I'd say.” I moved closer to the table.
    “I'm just tired.” She pretended to yawn. “What a day.”
    “I don't miss the stuff that was taken,” I said.
    “You don't?”
    “I hate television and faxes. I hate this little jewelry box.”
    “See if you're still saying that tomorrow, when you can't see them anymore.”
    “I only care about you, you, you.” I grabbed the canister of spray. She grabbed it too. “Let go,” she said.
    “You're all I love, you're all that matters to me,” I said.
    We wrestled for the can again. We fell onto the couch together.
    “Let's just put it down on the table,” said Addie. “Okay.” “Let go.” “You first.” “No, at the same time.” We put it on the table.
    “Are you thinking what I'm thinking,” she said.
    “I don't know, probably.”
    “What are you thinking?”
    “What you're thinking.”
    “I'm not thinking anything.”
    “Then I'm not either.”
    “Liar.”
    “It probably doesn't work that way,” I said. “The police wouldn't have a thing like that. It isn't the same thing.”
    “So why not try.”
    “Don't.”
    “You said it wouldn't work.”
    “Just don't. It's toxic. You saw them cover the dog's mouth.”
    “They didn't cover themselves. Anyway, I asked them about that when you were in the other room. They said it was so you wouldn't see the stuff the dog ate that fell out of its mouth. Because the dog is a very sloppy eater. So the spray would show what it had been eating recently, around the mouth. It's disgusting, they said.”
    “Now you're the liar.”
    “Let's just see.”
    I jumped up. “If you spray me I'll spray you,” I shouted. The spray hit me as I moved across the room. The wet mist fell behind me, like a parachute collapsing in the spot where I'd been, but enough got on me. An image of Lucinda formed, glowing and salmon-colored.
    Lucinda was naked. Her hair was short, like when we were together. Her head lay on my shoulder, her arms were around my neck, and her body was across my front. My shirt and jacket. Her breasts were mashed against me, but I couldn't feel them. Her knee was across my legs. I jumped backward but she came with me, radiant and insubstantial. I turned my head to see her face. Her expression was peaceful, but her little salmon-colored eyelids were half open.
    “Ha!” said Addie. “I told you it would work.”
    “GIVE ME THAT!” I lunged for the spray. Addie ducked. I grabbed her arm and pulled her with me onto the couch. Me and Addie and Lucinda were all there together, Lucinda placidly naked. As Addie and I wrestled for the spray we plunged through Lucinda's glowing body, her luminous arms and legs.
    I got my hands on the spray canister. We both had our hands on it. Four hands covering the one can. Then it went off. One of us pressed the nozzle, I don't know who. It wasn't Lucinda, anyway.
    As the spray settled over us Charles became visible, poised over Addie. He was naked, like Lucinda. His glowing shoulders and legs and ass were covered with glowing salmon hair, like the halo around a lightbulb. His mouth was open. His face was