Mercenary Mum: My Journey from Young Mother to Baghdad Bodyguard by Neryl Joyce Read Free Book Online Page B

and light up a joint. I hated drugs and I hated watching him smoke. At first I was afraid to tell him how much his smoking annoyed me. It wasn’t as though it was affecting our lives or having any negative impact, but I hated it because it was illegal and went against everything I believed in. I just couldn’t be around him when he lit up, and I’d have to leave the house.
    Lil had developed a drug problem over the years, so I knew how bad things could get. Admittedly, Lil had moved on to worse things than dope. She was into hardcore drugs: heroin, valium and God knows what else. She was trying hard to get clean but every day was a battle. She started a methadone program, but it was not a cure. Even today she still has a fight on her hands. Once you’re hooked, there will always be a monkey on your back. Addiction lasts forever.
    I should have finished with Joe the moment I saw him light up. But I stuck with him, hoping I could change him. Over the next few months, Joe’s smoking steadily increased. One joint turned into two and, eventually, into too many to count. Ten minutes of smoking turned into a whole evening. And then he started inviting his friends around. He and his mates would cram into my studio apartment to smoke marijuana for hours. They’d play their gangster rap and Bob Marley tunes, and reminisce about the good times they’d shared back in New Zealand.
    Joe would talk about the fights he’d got into back when he was in the Bloods gang in New Zealand. I was shocked to learn that every Friday night he used to go out with his gang mates, looking for fights. How could I have fallen in love with a person like that? But at the same time as he’d boast about fighting, he would get all emotional and talk about how much he loved his family and how he would do anything for them.
    Joe’s smoking only got worse as time went on. I told him constantly that I hated it and wanted him to quit. Every single time I broached the subject, he’d promise me that he would stop. And stupidly, I believed him. He eventually lost his job at the resort and began collecting welfare payments. I was still working at Woolies, studying at uni, and going back and forth to Brisbane for my army reserve service. The army was a lifesaver. It provided me with an escape from all the negativity in my life.
    During the uni holidays, I would return to Brisbane and focus on my military career and spend time with my army friends. I would arrive at my army unit a mess, and then leave feeling happy and self-assured. The time away from home allowed me to regain my strength and confidence. I could actually feel Joe’s hold on me slipping, and my old self returning.
    Each time I came home from my army service, Joe and I would break up. But after a short time, he would somehow wheedle his way back into my life. Why did I let him? I knew he was bad for me, but still I would not give up on him.
    Then I began worrying about what Joe was getting up to while I was away from home. Was he selling our possessions for drugs? Was he rifling through my drawers to find the rent money that I’d hidden? Was he selling drugs out of my home? The questioning was tearing me apart. I pleaded with Joe to get help, but nothing changed. My studies began to suffer, and eventually I stopped attending. I couldn’t trust him alone in the house. I knew that things could not continue like this. That I could not continue like this. And yet, I couldn’t break away for good.
    Then came the incident that prompted me to act. Joe’s ex-girlfriend, Carla, was dating one of his close dope friends, Jake. They were at our house, once again smoking. Carla was five months pregnant. Although she was a regular dope smoker, she’d cut down quite a bit since finding out she was going to have a baby.
    At some stage during the night, Jake and Carla got into a fight. Then Jake started hitting Carla. I told Joe to stop his friend. I was concerned for both Carla and her unborn child. I could