Mission: Earth "Villainy Victorious" by Ron L. Hubbard Read Free Book Online Page A

Earth! Disaster! How would he eat?
    Things promptly began to go from bad to worse. Captain Slash walked him over to a squat thing that was sitting in a flat circle. It had front and side windows but he couldn't see any wheels. However, it could only be a car, for it had a front seat and a back seat.
    Slash opened the back door even though it didn't seem to have any handle. "This is your driver, Flick."
    The driver, Flick, had a face like a squashed oval. He hadn't gotten out. He didn't look pleased. He was in a mustard-colored uniform and he might be a chauffeur but he looked more like a bandit, and a very scruffy bandit at that.
    "Flick," said the captain, "deliver this fellow to the Royal Palace and make sure Lombar Hisst gets to see him. It's urgent." And he gave the driver the copy of an order.
    "Wait," said Madison in alarm to Captain Slash. "Aren't you going to accompany me?"
    "Why?" said the Apparatus officer. "You're rated 'harmless.'"
    "Well, all right," said Madison, "but I apparently am not coming back here. I will need my baggage, particularly a portable typewriter to do my work with."
    "Oh, is that what that funny machine is?" said Slash. "I wondered when I vetted your gear for weapons two days ago. Pretty clumsy. I think you'll find now that you can use both a pen and a vocoscriber. But quit worrying. Flick put it all in the back of the airbus while you were signing out. So good-bye and good fortune and don't ever get on my list in a professional capacity." He laughed. Then he turned to the driver and said, "Get a move on, Flick. The chief is chewing his short hairs off to see this guy."
    Madison promptly got his second shock. He expected the car to roll along the ground. Instead, it leaped into the air like an express elevator. It scared him half to death. The thing couldn't possibly fly-it didn't have wings!
    When he had swallowed his stomach, they were levelled out and joining a traffic lane at a height of what must be ten thousand feet. A strange city, all swirls, lay over to his right, about the size of three New Yorks. "What town is that?" he asked the driver.
    "The fancy name is Ardaucus," said Flick. "But everybody calls it Slum City. That's Government City ahead and to the north."
    They turned to the southwest and flew over a range of mountains as high as the Rockies, and all before them lay a vast expanse of desert. Mile-high dancing dust devils were purple and tan in the sun, weird as a chorus line of crazy giants. Madison hoped they weren't live beings of some alien race that dined on airplanes that had no wings.
    It started him worrying about this powerful being he was supposed to see. He would venture a question.
    "Who is this chief I am supposed to see?"
    Flick glanced back at him and then looked at the card he had been handed. "Apparently you're an Earth-man, whatever that is. And we're in the air so we can't be overheard. The chief's name is Lombar Hisst. Today he controls the Confederacy, all 110 planets of it. Confidentially, he's an egotistical (bleepard). Crazy as a gyro with a nick in the rim. You better watch your step if you're really going to see him. He bites off the arms and legs of babies just for kicks."
    "Thank you," said Madison. But he thought to himself, sounds just like Rockecenter: bad image with the help and everything.
    They were going at a frightening speed. A couple hundred miles of the awfullest desert he had ever seen had reeled off below. To crash in that would be fatal. And this driver seemed to be more interested in trying to light a strange cigarette with a lighter that threw a laser beam instead of a flame. The air was bumpy and he kept missing.
    "Are you going to be my driver now?" he asked Flick.
    "Unless the chief throws you into that thing," said Flick, pointing to their right.
    On the horizon stood a huge black castle, fronted by a camp that must contain thousands of men.
    "That's Spiteos. The camp is called Camp Endurance on the maps but the real name is Camp