MisStaked by J. Morgan Read Free Book Online Page B

cracked the animal in the gut and sent him flying into the air. The chimp came down in his typical ninja stance. A disturbing thing to witness, especially since it was evident the Estelle Getty dream had yet to run its course.
    "What in the bloody hell are you thinking?” Stud growled. “I could have Chimp Fu-ed the crap out of you."
    "Stow it. We have to go.” Breathred shouted from the closet.
    Stud crossed his hairy arms. “You may have to go, but this primate ain't going nowhere."
    "We're going to the Jumper.” Breathred teased, pulling the underwear over his head.
    "So, what? Unlike you, I have no interest in mooning over Luna."
    "Edith might be working.” Breathred smirked.
    Stud rushed to his own closet. “Why didn't you say so, you dumb homosapien?"
* * * *
    Forty-five minutes later the pair walked into the Java Jumper. The place sat devoid of the majority of its lunch crowd. There were enough bodies to make Breathred feel self-conscious of the leering eyes as he and Stud plopped down at the counter. On general principles, the slayer dismissed the majority of the stares.
    Stud was more of a regular than most of the people in here. Breathred had been bringing the chimp in here for as long as he owned him, if anyone could be said to own the chimp. Sometimes Breathred got the distinct impression Stud saw the situation totally reversed.
    Scanning the room, he saw no sign of Luna, but caught a glimpse of Edith roaming the far end of the counter. In the entire world, aside from Luna and Stud, she was the only person he willingly called his friend. Edith presented an imposing figure with skin the color of rich milk chocolate and a tall voluptuous figure, reminding Breathred of an Amazon, only one dressed in a blue waitress uniform.
    "Hey sugah, be right with ya,” she yelled seeing him, her thick Southern accent floating across the room.
    Breathred waved an enthusiastic hello, earning him a warm smile from the woman. His happiness at seeing his friend proved short lived. The smell of axel grease wafted across his nose. Rubbing the throbbing vein in his forehead, he looked over to see Stud running a comb through his pompadour with the look of lechery in the first degree on the chimp's face. Breathred felt the embolism coming at any minute. The chimp would be the death of him.
    "You had better behave,” Breathred warned him.
    "Like I would act otherwise around the delightful Miss Edith,” Stud whispered.
    Breathred glanced around the room to make sure no one was listening to their conversation. “And remember, try not to talk too loud. We don't want you snapped up by some science freako."
    Stud gave a silent shudder. Ever since they got the Discovery Science Channel, the chimp had developed a profound fear of scientists in general, which Breathred had found quite useful when dealing with Stud in social situations. By the time Breathred finished his warning, Edith had made her way over. He gave Stud a last eye twitch to reinforce the threat before turning to her.
    "Well, boys what'll it be? The usual?” Edith asked.
    "Nothing, I'm sorry to say. I was looking for Luna,” he mumbled, feeling bad about not ordering anything.
    "She hasn't made it in, yet,” she answered, as she turned to Stud. “What about you, little man?"
    "You know what I want, Hot Stuff."
    "Monkey Boy, you couldn't handle what you want.” She shot him a disapproving look belying the laughter in her eyes.
    "You know what they say...” Stud jumped up on the counter.
    "And what would that be?” Edith asked, warily.
    "Once you go chimp, everyone else seems limp.” He cocked his eyebrow.
    "You know what sugah? That's the exact same thing I told my ex-husband right before I peeled his nut sack off with a spork,” Edith growled. “And if you don't get yo’ monkey ass off my counter, you'll find out about it firsthand.” To illustrate her point she pulled a cellophane-wrapped piece of plastic from her overflowing cleavage.
    "Well of course