Mixed Signals by Diane Barnes Read Free Book Online Page B

the love of God, why are you talking about it on your show?
    â€œNot good in the sack?” Branigan asks.
    Ben raises an eyebrow. I give him the finger.
    â€œNo, no,” Nico says. “Nothing like that.” His whiny voice makes my ears hurt. I snap the radio off but can still hear the show coming from radios in the next aisles. Great. The entire office is listening.
    â€œAre you okay?” Ben asks.
    No, I’m not okay! I look at him without answering.
    He stares back; the expression on his face is more appropriate for the receiving line at a wake than the office.
    Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I chant it to myself. A blast of heat pours out of the vent embedded in the ceiling tiles.
    Renee touches my arm. “Why didn’t you tell us, sweetie?”
    â€œI was going to tell you today.” I should have told them sooner. To have them find out like this is beyond humiliating. How could Nico do this to me? I swallow the lump in my throat. Do. Not. Cry. I blink back a tear. I would rather die than cry at work.
    The people sitting a few rows away erupt in laughter. I wonder if they’re the same ones listening to the show.
    Ben and Renee watch me without speaking. I can’t stand the pity on their faces. They think I’m pathetic. I am pathetic. Outside, a plane leaves a trail of vapor in the blue sky. I don’t care where the jet is going. I want to be on it.
    I bolt out of Ben’s cube. He calls after me, but I ignore him and head for the restroom, where I study myself in the mirror. My complexion is gray and the whites of my eyes are bright red. Worse, there are two nasty pimples on my chin and one on my forehead. Almost thirty-five and acne. I can’t catch a break. First-world problems , I imagine Nico saying. Every muscle in my body tightens. I hate him. I really do.
    I hear someone coming and duck into a stall because I don’t want to make small talk with anyone.
    â€œJillian, are you in here?” Ellie calls out in her husky voice.
    I swing the stall door open and step out.
    â€œWhy didn’t you tell me?” she asks.
    â€œWas everyone in sales listening?”
    â€œRyan’s radio was loud.” She studies me quietly. “What happened?” she finally asks.
    â€œNothing happened. He just said he didn’t want to get married.” Not having a good answer to her question makes the entire thing even harder than it should be. I’d be able to understand it if he met someone else, but he decided he’d rather be by himself than be with me. Am I that unbearable? I take a deep breath and step toward the sink, wanting to wash my hands because I touched the stall door. I place my hands under the automatic soap dispenser. It squirts out a third of its contents, leaving a foamy mess on the counter.
    I try to turn on the water, but nothing happens when I wave my hands under the automated faucet. My waving becomes frantic, but the sink remains dry. “Why the hell can’t they just have a normal sink in here?” I whine.
    Ellie reaches into the bowl and wiggles her fingers. The faucet comes to life. Of course she has the magic touch.
    I scrub my hands together so hard they burn. “What am I going to do, El?
    â€œYou’re going to be strong, and you’re going to move on,” she says.
    â€œI’m not sure I can do that.”
    â€œOf course you can.” She pauses. “This is Nico’s loss, and he will regret it.”
    She might be giving me a sales pitch, but I need to believe it.
    â€œWhatever you need to get through this,” she says, “I’m here for you. We’re all here for you. Ben and Renee were really worried about you when I just stopped by your row.”
    * * *
    Later, as Ben, Renee, and I walk down the hall for lunch, I can hear the din of conversation coming from the cafeteria. I slow my pace. There will be a mob in there, many of whom listened to BS Morning Sports Talk today.