Moment of Impact by Lisa Mondello Read Free Book Online Page B

do this.”
    “What?”
    “Push me away.”
    I focus on the rise and fall of his chest as he stands a few feet away from me and stares. His gaze never leaves my face. Then he shakes his head just enough for me to see the movement. “I don’t want to ruin you.”
    “You couldn’t do that.”
    “You have no idea.” He lifts his chin and is about to say something. I can’t believe I know him already. He’s leaving me again. He’s physically in the kitchen with me. I can see him, breathe him in. I want him so much that it hurts. Yet, he’s hiding in that place he goes where he pretends he doesn’t give a fuck. I do. I’m not letting him go there. I won’t. Even if I have to reach in and grab him to keep him from disappearing again.
    “Don’t do that,” I say as he opens his mouth to speak.
    “What?” His eyes are amazing as he looks at me. As if he sees me. Sees through me. No one has ever done that before. I’ve been a puppet for so long that I’d forgotten just how much of me was really me. But I know he’s looking at the real me, not the girl whose parents parade her around for their fancy friends.
    “Don’t leave me.”
    His mouth curls into a slow smile. “I’m right here.”
    “You disappear. You know you do. You don’t have to. Not with me.”
    His eyes grow darker and serious. “No, Lily.”
    He tries to flee into the other room, but I catch his arm. He looks down at my hand on his arm and then slowly back at my face.
    “You don’t want this,” he says.
    “How do you know what I want?”
    “I told you. I’m not your play thing. There are a thousand guys on that beach every day who will do you the honor of fucking your brains out and then walking away. I’m not one of them.”
    His words should have hurt. And they did to a point. But I can’t ignore the obvious.
    “And yet you’re still here.”
    His eyes flare with light so bright that it almost looks unnatural.
    “I don’t want a play-thing,” I say quickly, knowing he’s not getting it. I don’t even know if I’m saying it right. I just don’t want him to disappear again.
    “Whatever you think I am, you’re wrong. I’m not your good time. I’m not your savior. I’m your parents’ worst nightmare.”
    “You’re forgetting one thing,” I say, reaching up to taste his mouth. He lets me. He doesn’t move. So I linger there, tasting him, teasing his lips with my tongue. Pressing myself against him because I want to be closer. Closer.
    And when I pull away, he’s looking at me wearily. “What’s that?”
    “You’re everything I want.”
    His laugh is harsh. “You don’t know what the fuck you want, Lily.”
    “How would you know? You don’t let yourself get close enough. You don’t even ask about me. You just assume. You don’t know anything about me.”
    “And you know nothing about me. Which makes playing with me a scary thing for you.”
    I swallow slowly. “I’m not scared.”
    “You should be. You have no idea what I’ve done. What I’m capable of.”
    I think back to my earlier thought about Gus being on parole. He’s right that I don’t know what he’s done. Murder? No. I can’t imagine it. But then, I’ve been sheltered for so long that my imagination didn’t stretch that far.
    I press my back against the counter until the edge digs into my spine, but I don’t move away. I’m not afraid of him. Not the man. But I know without him uttering another word that his life leading up to this moment had been nothing like mine. And when…if... he reveals his secrets, it’ll make my life look so pale that I’ll barely be able to see myself.
    “I’d like to know.” I swallow hard. “I’d like you to share it with me.”
    “Which part? The part that got me locked up? The part that got me the scars on my back?”
    I feel my eyes widened. “Scars?” I can’t remember if I’d seen them or not. I’d seen him walking out of the water with his paddleboard under his arm. He was too far away for