My Friend Leonard by James Frey Read Free Book Online Page B

the walk that leads to the door. Every step. Hanging.
    I open the door step into the foyer. I want to leave, the images are clear. The same woman is sitting behind the desk. There are some red roses in a vase next to her. She looks up at me and I say hello and she says hello and she motions toward the roses and she tells me that she saved them for me. I thank her and I ask for Tom. She says he’s out can I help you. There is a chair across from her I sit down. I want to leave, the images are clear. The bathroom where Lilly hung is in this house. I look at the woman and I speak.
    I need some information.

 
    I keep the flowers. They were for Lilly, not for the house. I keep them in water and I will use them. They were for Lilly.
    I give all of her clothing to an organization that helps the poor. She did not have much, but maybe it will help someone.
    I give her books to a library. She wanted to go to college and she had been studying for the entrance exams. She had seven books, all textbooks. What little money she had was in a box beneath her bed. I give it to a homeless woman who is sitting alone on a bench. The woman tells me it is enough to get her a place in a shelter for two months. I hope that time makes a difference.
    She had a plastic Superwoman watch. I always thought it was funny that she wore it. I find it on a table next to her bed. When I find it, I cry. I hold it to my heart and I cry. I keep it in my pocket.
    She had a hairbrush, a toothbrush. A tube of toothpaste and a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap. I leave everything in the bathroom.
    She had a simple silver necklace. It held a platinum cross. Her Grandmother gave it to her, it was her most cherished possession. I find it on a table next to her bed. When I find it I cry. I want to give it back to her. I want to give it back.
    I don’t have any photographs of Lilly. I don’t have any photographs of the two of us together. The only documentation I have of our relationship is a large stack of letters, some written by me, some by her. This lack of documentation has made seeing her more difficult. Tom helps me. He speaks to an assistant medical examiner, he speaks to the medical examiner. He confirms that Lilly did not have any family aside from her Grandmother, who is in the morgue with her. He confirms that I was her boyfriend, and that I am the only person who is likely to claim her body. He helps talk the Medical Examiner into letting me see her. Just once, by myself. I am going to see her.
    I walk down a hallway. A bright clean sterile hallway. At the end of the hallway is a large metal door. A man is standing in front of the door. He is wearing a white lab coat and latex gloves, an air filtration mask hangs at his neck. As I approach, he says hello and I say hello and he opens the door and he gestures me inside and I walk through the door and he follows me. The door closes behind us.
    I am in a large open room. Along one wall there is a bank of stainless steel cabinets. Along another are three sinks and a large stainless steel counter-top. Along the back wall there are four rows of doors, each with a handle like the handles on large refrigerators. There is a stainless steel table in the middle of the room, a halogen lamp above it, a drain below it. There is a body on the table. A body that is covered by a white sheet.
    I turn to the man.
    Can I be alone?
    Yes.
    Thank you.
    He motions toward a counter near the cabinets.
    There are gloves and masks over there if you want to use them.
    Thank you.
    He turns and he leaves. I turn back to the body. I stare at it. I am scared. My heart starts pounding, pounding to the point that it hurts. I am scared. I take a deep breath. Part of me wants to run. To get the fuck out of here, that is her body, her dead body beneath that sheet. Part of me knows that I need to do this. I have to see her. I have to see her. I have to see her.
    I step forward, once twice, heart pounding. I step forward I am next to