Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang by Emma Thompson Read Free Book Online Page A

kidneys,’ said Miss Turvey succinctly.
    ‘Think about it!’ they both chimed, making way for Phil to back off down the alley in a state of sheer terror.

The Diary 13
    Beautiful weather. It’s 1st June, so that bodes well. We’re doing a bunch of pick-ups, just to mop up all the stuff we didn’t get earlier this week. We’re doing Celia being spattered by the mud. This involves a wonderful contraption composed of a big tyre inside a metal sheath, which is switched on so that the tyre whirls around in the air and is then lowered on to a big pile of mud so it spatters whoever’s in front of it. There’s a large man in a white cover-all and sunglasses standing in for Rosie Taylor-Ritson, the girl who plays Celia.
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    Rosie is a miraculous girl who seems to have come from another world where girls are made of bone china, strawberries and cream. Within, she is very strong and capable of doing whatever you might ask her to do. In this case, stand still with her eyes open in front of a gigantic tyre which is about to splatter her with pretend mud. We are all full of admiration.
    Nice and relaxed feel today. Miracle, really.

The Story 13
    Back at the shop, Mrs Green was just getting her coat on to leave when she heard noises behind the counter.
    ‘What’re you doing back there, Mrs Docherty?’ she enquired nervously.
    ‘Oh, nothing at all, dear. Just putting away the treacle.’
    Mrs Green gasped and flew round the counter to find all the drawers oozing stickily.
    ‘Goodnight, dear! See you tomorrow! What a good day it’s been!’ sang Mrs Docherty as she floated into the back of the shop and out of sight.
    Mrs Green, feeling utterly defeated, slumped against a barrel of oats.
    ‘What am I to do? What am I to do about the farm? What am I to do about the children fighting all the time? What am I to do about the harvest? What if Rory –’ but she couldn’t finish that thought and quickly moved to an easier one. ‘And what am I to do with SEVENTEEN DRAWERS FULL OF TREACLE!!!??’
    Then something very strange happened. One of the treacly drawers opened all by itself. From within it issued a deep, syrupy voice which said:
    ‘The person you need is Nanny McPhee.’
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    Mrs Green got such a shock that she dropped her coat in the puddle of treacle. ‘What?’ she whispered.
    Another drawer, a littler one this time, now opened and a smaller voice came out of it. ‘The person you need,’ it said, sounding slightly irritated that she hadn’t heard it the first time, ‘is Nanny McPhee.’
    ‘Who?’ said Mrs Green, in a very high voice owing to fright and general surprise about the fact that she was having a conversation with the furniture. Then all the smallest drawers started to open and shut, all squeaking, ‘The person you need – the person you need – the person you need –’
    Mrs Green picked up her sticky coat and ran.
    As she flew out of the door, Mrs Docherty appeared. She looked at the drawers approvingly. They’d all fallen silent.
    ‘– is Nanny McPhee,’ said Mrs Docherty, quietly closing the drawers.
    Mrs Green legged it home as fast as she could. There was a high wind blowing and as she came into the yard she heard a loud squawk. Looking up, she came face-to-face with a raggedy jackdaw. It was staring at her as though they had, at some point, been formally introduced and she ought to recognise it. Spooked and puzzled and buffeted, she turned away and saw something unfamiliar trodden into the mud. It looked furry. She bent down and saw two beady little eyes peeping up at her. Giving a slight shriek, she was about to run into the house when she realised that the eyes were, in fact, beads and that they belonged to a fox-fur tippet which she now gingerly pulled out of its squelchy ditch.
    What in heaven’s name was a fox-fur tippet doing in the farmyard?
    Mrs Green gave a sudden gasp of realisation and horror. There was only one person she knew who could afford such an expensive item and