Narrow Minds by Marie Browne Read Free Book Online Page A

terrible lisp, ‘Oh, yeth Thanta, I’ve been ever tho good, I haven’t pulled any of my friendth pigtails, I haven’t painted any petth pink and I haven’t put gravy into your wellieth.’ I batted my eyelashes at him. ‘Ever tho, ever tho, good.’
    Geoff laughed and handed the stocking to me. Having finally got it in my hands I reached over and pulled his stocking from where I had hidden it in the bedside cabinet. I dumped it unceremoniously on his lap causing a slight wince. ‘Happy Christmas, you open yours first, I want to savour mine.’
    His first and best stocking present was a new watch, completely waterproof, it had all sorts of functions and was very swish. The previous year I had managed to throw him overboard while trying to get a new bath on to the boat. His old watch never actually stopped working but there was a huge blob of condensation across the glass that we never got rid of, I really felt I owed him a new one.
    It took him about twenty minutes to open all his presents (I did feel that he was being deliberately slow) apart from the new watch there were CDs, books, a new computer game, socks, a tangerine and some nuts (just to keep it traditional). His big present, a mega tester, was downstairs under the tree. I had no idea what it did, something electrical but it had lights and made pinging noises and had had to be sort of tuned or something so it had come with a technical certificate of calibration, it looked ever so professional. I knew he had been coveting one of these things for months so I was definitely going to get brownie points.
    Finally getting to open my first present I was a little disappointed to note that the box, once the wrapping was off, came from a well-known but not very exclusive jewellery shop. I didn’t really wear jewellery and had a horrible vision of a huge pair of cheap gold earrings. I tentatively opened the box and winced when Geoff let out a roar of laughter. It was a lump of coal.
    â€˜I thought you said you’d been good?’ Geoff guffawed.
    I burst out laughing. ‘Oh, very funny, maybe I haven’t been as good as I thought.’
    I picked up the next present, it was a small box of chocolates from Hotel Chocolat, very nice, just the thing to eat before breakfast and certainly the thing to eat before the kids saw them. I opened the box and frowned. Geoff had carefully taken out all the chocolates and replaced them with little pieces of coal. I smiled with a bit of an effort as I listened to my terribly happy husband snigger and giggle.
    I reached for the next present. One was funny, two was amusing, surely he wouldn’t push his luck that far and go for three would he? Oh surely not.
    Oh yes he would, and a fourth and a fifth and a sixth. By the time I reached the last three lumps at the bottom of the stocking I had completely lost my sense of humour. Geoff wasn’t laughing any more either; obviously the look on my face had told him that this had gone well beyond a joke.
    I emptied the last of the ‘presents’ out onto the bed and gave him a hard stare. ‘Should I even bother opening them?’
    He gave me a sickly smile and shook his head. ‘I thought it would be funny.’ He ran a hand over his head and gave me a rueful look. ‘You know? Bad girl gets a stocking full of coal.’ He sighed. ’The girls at the office said you would find one or two funny but any more than that and I was going to find myself spending Christmas in the car while wearing my turkey dinner.’
    â€˜You should have taken their advice.’ I pursed my lips at him. ‘You have once chance and about thirty seconds to make it up to me.’
    Geoff looked horrified and scrabbled about under the bed coming up with a little plastic bag.
    â€˜What’s that?’ I weighed the bag cautiously in my hand.
    â€˜It’s the chocolates out of that box, I saved them.’ He ripped open the little